A poem from tomorrows by Brittany Luckham Photo by Alex Andrews I only wish there was some manual To this thing that lies beneath my rib cage A way to read the feelings That can’t make it to my brain And plaster themselves as thoughts So I could try to understand How broken and yet connected The strings really are I only want to know How I have come so far And how I can keep going on Because it’s only my heart That never makes sense All these emotions And yet I only see dreams That can never come true This poem is from my upcoming book, Tomorrows. Tomorrows is a collection of poetry written between 2017 and 2018, while I struggled with depression, anxiety, and — unknown at the time — Autism.

Reedsy Prompt: Write the origin story of a notorious villain. Originally published: Aug 26, 2024 on Medium Last week I paid the $5 and submitted a short story to Reedy Prompts for a chance to win $250. I have no expectations of winning, but I thought I’d give it a chance. Given the release of Deadpool and Wolverine last week’s prompt was Heroes and Villains. Then there are five additional prompts to choose from. I decided to write the origin story of a notorious villain. Photo by Jared Subia on Unsplash Note: brief mentions of blood, war, and death. Ziva didn’t ask to be the villain. She never desired such an accomplishment. Life merely…necessitated…her acts of destruction amidst the seemingly idyllic Kingdom of Tajiem. Beyond the fanciful and harmonious citizens, the lush fields that never suffered drought, the economy that never depressed, the taxes that never rose, and the kindly population of shops and homes in an ever-expanding city beyond the palace walls. Beyond all this, King Luther feasted on his soldiers, bellowing orders. He started another secret war of underground missions, berated his staff, reprimanded even the smallest mistake, and welcomed his share of mistresses. Tajiem had entrusted their care and happiness to a man as superficially idyllic as the kingdom itself. And as the Princess of this facade, Ziva had had enough of its untruth. Hidden away in the lost-to-memory tunnels and passageways under and between the palace stone, Ziva gathered her allies. A tricky endeavour. In part due to the instilled fear her father wrought in all who worked for him. In part due to her distrust of others. But slowly, through the Summer, Spring, and into Fall when the leaves began to wither to sunbursts of colour, Ziva had found her troops. The palace staff readily switched sides in her favour. Unlike her father and late brothers, Ziva welcomed their camaraderie. Tabitha, a now elderly handmaiden, had once raised her, carrying the tiny princess through the corridors of her home. Now, it was Tabitha who convinced the other staff to side with the bold child she’d raised. Persuading the soldiers and guards was a separate mission. Like her older brothers, many of the troops that had suffered at the hands of her father had suffered too in death. Luther had gone through five generals in ten years. So, Ziva had only the young men of Tajiem who’d spent their childhood dreaming of serving her father and going to battle. Anything was better than the labour they endured on the farms. They trained and fought the same way as when they ploughed those very fields, with a smile on their face. Ziva had to turn to unconventional soldiers, those who’d been unnecessarily terminated from the military. Soldiers like Elias, a man who smiled and meant it, a man who dared show her kindness, who dared ask permission to court her. Luther exiled him to life in the dungeons that same sultry afternoon. Faking his death to release him was easy. Getting him back through the kingdom’s borders required some creative thinking and plenty of help from her other allies. It’d taken longer than she’d wanted, but by the end of Spring, he was by her side. Elias had met someone along the way. Jacob, barely a teenager, whom he’d rescued from arrest by creating a clever diversion. Jacob who had recently lost his parents to a sickness, then the family farm, and now had three younger sisters to feed and care for. He’d tried to steal from his neighbours and despite expressing no interest in pressing charges, Tajiem soldiers carried the boy off. Whatever lies the soldiers told convinced both Jacob and his neighbours he’d go unharmed. Yet he showed up in the tunnels before Ziva with a black eye, swollen and indigo. After Elias and Jacob, Ziva sought out Alina and Marjorie. Alina was Luther’s mistress for nearly two years. He’d promised an education for her children and a Ladyship with a brand new home for her. Until another, younger, woman caught his hollow eyes. Marjorie with her youthful smile, despite her greying hair, stood accused of witchcraft and sentenced to drown. Rightly so, laughably, but a true witch on her side was not something Ziva could pass up. Her father might hail a name like Luther the Dragonheart, and fail to believe in magic, but Ziva had always seen more than his aging mind could grasp. When Fall wandered in, the princess had her allies, her plan, and her rage more than ready. Everyone had their tasks, including her. It was finally time to remove the mask of Tajiem that Luther had crafted. “What if it doesn’t work?” Alina questioned that morning. “It will,” Ziva insisted, sharpening her knife. “But what if it doesn’t?” Ziva eyed the woman with a glint of mischievousness. “It’ll work because it has to because we haven’t come this far to quit now, we — I — owe it to my people to set this right.” She slid the knife into its sheathe at her waist. “No more hiding behind closed doors.” Early that evening the team found their positions. Jacob snuck a heavy sedative into the evening meal for the in-house guards and soldiers. Elias set traps throughout the corridors using the passageways built for the staff. Marjorie cast her illusion. And Alina set about confronting her former lover in his chambers. Ziva close by for when the situation inevitably strayed south. While the city washed their evening dishes and settled down for the night with their children begging to stay up just a little longer, Elias released the first trap. A fire, more smoke than flame, blazed on the westward tower. The sleeping king lay in the easternmost one. Alina had kept her key and used it now to unlock the heavy wooden doors of Luther’s chambers, startling him awake. Confronting a man of his demeanour posed risks, of course. Alina was not a tall woman, thin and petite (the way he liked). But starting a fight with a man who could throw you to the ground with only one hand was nothing short of terrifying. Without Marjorie’s protective shield in place around the former mistress, Alina would have abandoned the mission and fled with her children. Now, the more she spoke, the higher her voice raised, and the higher her voice raised, the more anger flared in her eyes for what he had done to her. As he raised his fist to strike, Ziva fled from the shadows, brandished her knife, and slid a hand over her father’s mouth. He fell to his knees first, then flopped to the ground in an unsatisfying thud. “Clear,” Ziva called. Elias and Jacob now marched through the door, picking the King up to ready him for his last public appearance. Alina had blood sprayed across her cheeks, a devilish smile plastered across her lips. “It worked.” Ziva sheathed her knife, matching her smile. “Not yet,” she admitted. “There’s one last thing to do.” The following morning in the city’s square, King Luther hung from a pole, blood now dried down his front, forever staining the expensive cloth. As the people woke to Ziva’s call, whispers erupted, children ran to fetch others, and the Princess of Tajiem decreed that the King was dead by her hand and claimed the crown for herself. There was laughter. Tears. Applause. As the soldiers and guards woke from their slumber, or otherwise finally put out the fake fire, they too joined in the celebration. Well, not all of them. A few glared her way but could do nothing about their betrayal. Ziva was the only living heir of Luther, and though a woman, would change the patriarchal laws long before she would have to marry to hold her new position as Queen. Queen of Tajiem. ~~~ As thunder rolled across the starless sky and lightning splashed across the glass, Ziva gathered her troops one last time that day and led them down to the dungeons. Down to the last level, farthest from any doorway or exit, Ziva frowned at her father, chained to the wall. “You should have killed me,” he grumbled. “And give you that satisfaction,” she said, “No. No this is better. Death would be too easy an escape for you.” “Then why fake it?” Luther asked. Sweat dripped down his forehead, his clothes covered in dirt, the bloody illusion Marjorie cast long gone. The rags suited him, Ziva thought, no more glamour to wear, no more charm to hide behind. “The people needed the safety of your death. I needed the revenge of your life.” See, Ziva didn’t ask to be the villain. She only set out to destroy her father to save her kingdom — to rule her kingdom — truly, having never had the chance. So, let her father’s former enemies believe his death, believe his vengeful daughter killed him smiling. Let the soldiers obey her orders with gritted teeth. Then, let her enemies falter in their hatred when she offers condolences and gold for Luther’s destruction in war. Let the soldiers flinch, but never feel the sting of her wrath because it is not there. Let the people come to trust her as they never trusted before. Let her be her father’s villain if she no longer has to hide behind his mask.

Instead of Against It In This Neurotypical World Learning I am Autistic changed many things for me. But it mostly made me realize that my brain is wired differently than others and I need to stop working against it and instead work with it. I need to use the resources available to me and my self-awareness to make my own rules. This article will cover three main topics: How to check in with your physical self How to check in with your mental self Setting boundaries, communicating needs, and using accommodations Let’s get started. Check-In With Your Physical Self It takes time and patience, but the benefits of learning how to check in with yourself and your body are enormous. As a caveat, I will admit I’m still working on this, often I don’t realize I need to eat or drink something until I’ve completed a task and stood up from my desk. However, I have developed ways to pause and check myself to make sure I don’t (always) forget to eat until I’m shaking and feeling faint. I use a basic mindfulness practice for this. I take no more than a few seconds to a minute to examine my body from head to toe. Over time I’ve increased my awareness of my body’s physical sensations through this process. I go through and ask myself questions: Does my head hurt? Is my jaw clenched? Am I hungry? Do I need to use the bathroom? I know how difficult it is to sense these things given our lack of interoception which is why I also tie in practical time-related questions: When was the last time I ate? When was the last time I used the bathroom? When was the last time I had a drink of water? Whenever I start to feel off — I’m frustrated with my work, I’m trying to push through a problem rather than find a proper solution — it usually means I’m suppressing or ignoring some physical or mental sensation. This is my cue to check in and run through the mindfulness practice. Sometimes this means switching tasks and doing something else. Other times it means packing the work away and resting. Checking in with your physical self includes recognizing when you need to rest! This can be: A nap Letting yourself sleep in Going to bed earlier than usual I keep a strict(ish) routine. I added the “ish” because occasionally for unknown reasons I’m still tired in the morning and rather than forcing myself to get up I let myself sleep. I recognize that is what my body needs and I fulfill that need. Of course, I do recognize the privilege it is to work from home and work for myself. However, even the decision to start my own business grew out of recognizing my needs. Check-In With Your Mental Self Checking in with your body ensures everything is well and good, but you must also remember your mind. This can be done during the same mindfulness practice from above. You can ask yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated. How big (or small) is your mental load? How much stress or anxiety are you experiencing? I find this part of the examination works best when I write it down. I do daily check-ins in my bullet journal so I can ask myself these questions and others, such as: How have I been spending my time? How have these activities made me feel? Is there anything bothering me? Playing on repeat in my mind? How have these thoughts or issues made me feel? A little side note here: I know how difficult it is to name our emotions. I recommend using the Emotion Wheel, which you can just google, and/or reading The Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown. The book covers all sorts of emotions and feelings and helped me understand their deeper meanings. Routines are also useful for this because if 10–20 minutes are set aside each day to journal and practice mindfulness I’m more likely to do it. I even set up a whole new daily routine for myself when I realized I wasn’t being productive in the way I wanted to be. You can read more about that in this article A Look Inside an Autistic’s Daily Routine . Boundaries and Accommodations Lastly, I want to discuss boundaries and accommodations. Working with your brain, instead of against it, means having the self-awareness of your limitations and what you need help with. Boundaries The best thing I did when setting up my new routine was keeping my limitations in mind and setting boundaries. My sister and I live together and she occasionally has a day off in the middle of the week. I had to set the boundary and remind her that just because she’s off work doesn’t mean I am. I might be self-employed, but if I didn’t follow a structure I’d get nothing done. In other settings, like a workplace, this can look like taking that moment to think before answering, before taking on a task or tasks you don’t actually have the energy for. Before immediately saying “yes” think about: How you’re currently feeling? What you’re currently working on? What you will be working on soon? Do you have the mental capacity to take on something else? I know our instincts can be to people-please, but taking a minute to think about your state of mind and capabilities means you’re taking care of yourself and simultaneously preventing burnout. I say set your boundaries and make your own rules because all the neurotypical ones are made up too. Communicate Needs and Delegate The good thing about living with my sister, who is also neurodivergent, is that we both understand our limitations and deal with overstimulation. If I’m overstimulated when she comes home from work, but she still feels ok, then maybe she’ll cook supper for us that night. It’s a nice trade-off because while she cooks I can rest or stim, and then I do the dishes after we eat and I’m feeling better. Accommodations This is also where accommodations come in handy. Having this trade-off system with my sister is a type of accommodation. I can also: Take stim breaks during the day Listen to music if I’m understimulated Use my earplugs if I’m overstimulated Use the fidgets I keep in my desk Go for a walk and reset Because I’m self-employed and I work from home I have much more control over my environment and sensory input than if I worked in an office or other work environment. Final Thoughts There you have it. Checking in with and knowing yourself really pays off in the long term because the more you know and understand how your mind works the better you can optimize your life. Or in other words: work with your unique brain and its functionality rather than against it. Especially in a world that was not made for people like us.

What is self-awareness really, and how can we foster it? Many Autistic’s report being too self-aware, especially for traditional therapy. Myself included. Yet, the majority of the population is not self-aware. In What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It) by Dr. Tasha Eurich from the Harvard Business Review (2018), “found that even though most people believe they are self-aware, self-awareness is a rare quality.” Eurich states, “We estimate that only 10%–15% of the [almost 5000] people we studied fit the criteria.” This begs the question: what is missing between what we think self-awareness is and what it is? This article will examine 3 key questions: What is self-awareness? What’s the connection between Autism and self-awareness? How to foster self-awareness? Let’s get started. What is Self-Awareness? Dictionary.com ’s definition of self-awareness is being “conscious of one’s feelings, character, etc.” According to Dr. Eurich, there are two types of self-awareness. Internal Self-Awareness Internal self-awareness “represents how we see our values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions, and impact on others.” External Self-Awareness External self-awareness, “means understanding how other people view us, using those same factors listed above.” Furthermore, internal self-awareness is “associated with higher job and relationship satisfaction, personal and social control, and happiness.” However, it is, “negatively related to anxiety, stress, and depression.” So, people with external self-awareness “are more skilled at showing empathy and taking others’ perspectives.” The key takeaway is that the research found no correlation between the two. Like IQ and EQ, being high in one doesn’t necessarily mean being high in the other. What’s the Connection Between Autism and Self-Awareness? For this section, I’ll be speaking from my experience and those of the Autistic community I’ve read about. There are a high number of Autistic people who report being “too self-aware.” Therefore, a connection between the two does exist. There are two key factors for this: masking and pattern recognition. Masking First, is masking. Masking is a tool used by Autistic’s to hide their Autistic traits to appear more neurotypical. Essentially, it’s a conscious, learned tool used to blend in. This is due to the stigmatization around Autism. We can’t always safely be ourselves depending on where we are and who we’re with, so we mask. To build this mask one has to be hyper-aware of their surroundings. For example, when I mask it looks something like this: Say, I’m in a mall with my sister and we see someone we know. We go up and talk to them. Now, I’ve had no time to prepare for this interaction, I have no idea what this person is going to say or how I should react. Therefore, I’m closely monitoring their behaviour, their words, body language, and more. I’m also doing the same with myself. I’m thinking about how much eye contact I’m making or not making. I’m overthinking the words I use, the facial expressions and the body language I convey. Are my arms crossed? Ok, uncross them, they’ll think you’re standoffish. Are you smiling? Does this topic of conversation call for it? Yes, ok, keep it up. Wait, don’t interrupt them even though you want to rant about your new hyperfixation. Oh, you should say something here. But what? Oh damn, the topic changed and I’ve missed my chance. And so on. You get the point. (Note this doesn’t even include the sounds, smells, sights, etc. I’m trying to block out so I can focus on the interaction). This kind of hyper-vigilance builds internal and external awareness in Autistics. This, however, can’t happen without one core trait of Autism: pattern recognition. Pattern Recognition Autism Strengths by Embrace Autism explains “The autistic brain excels at recognizing patterns. Brain regions associated with recognizing patterns light up more in autistic people.” Due to this wiring of our brains, recognizing patterns comes easily to us. I’m constantly reflecting and reviewing my internal and external world. I’m looking for patterns that might exist. For example, there was a time when my sister and I would end up in an argument whenever we had to pet sit for our parents. Always the same argument, but various versions. Thus, a pattern emerged and I was able to examine those experiences. I then concluded what happened, why it happened, and how we could move forward. My solution was to set clear rules and boundaries for the days we’d be pet-sitting before we even got there. Once we were on the same page, there were no more arguments about who did what and when. Too Self-Aware for Therapy How does this all relate to therapy? Well, traditional talk therapy focuses on talking through experiences to understand the situation. You examine topics such as: What happened and why What was the other person possibly thinking or feeling that explains their reaction What you were thinking or feeling that explains your reaction For myself, and many others, we’ve already examined these questions using our masking and pattern recognition. We know what happened. We understand the disconnect between our communication styles. Consequently, we also understand why what happened did indeed happen. Anyway, let’s move on to why you’re here: how can you improve your self-awareness? How to Foster Self-Awareness Now, I could list off the same old advice as any other self-awareness article. But I’m going to take a different approach. Here’s how I would foster self-awareness. Look Outwards First Self-awareness focuses on the self, but to cultivate it we should look at others first. The best way to notice things about yourself is to start by noticing things about others. If you commute to work on the bus or subway, sit back, put your phone away and observe. Watch and listen to what others are doing. Are they bored or tired? Are they angrily answering a phone call or sitting quietly and reading a book? In the office or workplace, what are some of your coworkers’ quirks you’ve picked up on? How well do you get along? How receptive are they to feedback? How well do they work in teams? When you get a handle on answering these types of questions about others, then you can ask them of yourself too. Get Comfortable With Cognitive Dissonance The wonderful thing about being human is our paradoxes and contradictions. We are a complex universe of good and bad, right and wrong, like and dislike. So, to foster that self-awareness of yours, get comfortable with these contradictory beliefs. Get comfortable with cognitive dissonance. Dictionary.com describes cognitive dissonance as “anxiety or discomfort that results from simultaneously holding contradictory or otherwise incompatible attitudes, beliefs, or the like. Such as when someone likes a person but disapproves strongly of one of their habits.” When you reflect on your self-awareness, you will stumble upon some conflicting things. Think about something your parents taught or instilled in you, that you no longer follow. Consider who you thought you’d be when you “grew up,” versus who you actually are now. Change is inevitable, yes, but what matters most is how we respond to it. This leads well to my third point. Be Honest Be honest with yourself. Admit that you have changed. That the argument with your best friend was your fault, or that you really are good at that new hobby you tried out. I’m not saying it won’t be difficult, but try your best to be honest. Examine yourself, the way you might examine a friend. This is why we should look outwards at others first. There does come a time when you should get personal feedback though. Get Some Feedback Talk to your close friends and/or family and ask for an honest review. This pulls in the second type of self-awareness: external self-awareness. Otherwise known as understanding how others view us. So ask around about how others perceive you. This is also important at work. No matter what position you hold, talk to your colleagues. Get some honest feedback on how you can be a better employee, manager, or CEO. Ask What, Not Why The popular question to ask yourself when journaling or introspecting is “Why.” But how helpful is that really? As it turns out, it’s not. To quote Dr. Eurich, “The problem with introspection isn’t that it is ineffective. It’s that most people are doing it incorrectly.” Her research found that “‘why’ appeared fewer than 150 times, [but] the word ‘what’ appeared more than 1,000 times.” Therefore, the better question to ask is “What.” Eurich provides two examples of this. Instead of: why do I feel so terrible? Try” What are the situations that make me feel terrible, and what do they have in common?” When receiving negative feedback, instead of: why did you say this about me? Try: what are the steps I need to take in the future to do a better job?” By reframing these questions from why to what you’re able to view the situation more objectively. A Self-Awareness Assessment I found a short self-awareness test from the iNLP Center . It has 12 multiple-choice questions with five different outcomes/scores you can achieve. Take the Self Awareness Test — Discover Your Hidden Opportunity for Growth and Success. Final Thoughts Alright, here’s what we’ve learned: You’re probably not as self-aware as you think you are. Unless you’re Autistic because you can mask and have excellent pattern recognition. For the non-autistics, there are, thankfully, practical ways to foster your self-awareness. Get curious, be honest, and be open to not who you think you are or should be, but who you are.

From Tumblr’s Writeblr I joined Tumblr years ago because Fandom was–and still is–an important part of my life. However, it also acted as my first online writing community. I learned a lot during my early years as a new writer because of Tumblr. Recently, I decided to gather up all the posts that influenced me the most and made me a better writer in the hopes that they might help you too. Let’s get started. First up, reducing filler words. 1 | Reducing Filler Words This post by @thewritingumbrellas suggests opening up your manuscript and searching for the words “there is” or “there was” (depending on your chosen perspective). They go on to state: Find all the description or action that starts with “there” and change it.“There is a strike of lightning,” becomes “Lightning strikes the sky.”“There is panic building in his chest,” becomes “Panic builds in his chest.” You do not have to do this every single time. But it can help declutter your writing. 2 | Paragraph Spacing and TiPToP I generally knew how to separate paragraphs when I started writing, but it was based more on vibes than actual writing techniques. So, this post on TiPToP changed the game for me. TiPToP is an acronym for: Time Place Topic Person This means every time one of the above changes you enter down to a new paragraph. 3 | “The bigger the issues, the smaller your write.” This next post was just a quote from author Richard Price , but it is a powerful quote. “The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.” While this advice can come in later during edits, I like to keep it in mind when I’m drafting. I end up using my imagination and creativity more when I remember to write small. 4 | Good and Bad Adverbs This post is from the book Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark . I haven’t picked up this book yet, but it’s on my TBR, and for good reason. Clark states: To understand the difference between a good adverb and a bad adverb, consider these two sentences: “She smiled happily” and “She smiled sadly.” Which one works best? The first seems weak because “smiled” contains the meaning of “happily.” On the other hand, “sadly” changes the meaning.Remember the song “Killing Me Softly?” Good adverb. How about “Killing Me Fiercely?” Bad adverb.Look also for weak verb-adverb combinations that you can revise with stronger verbs: “She went quickly down the stairs” can become “She dashed down the stairs.” “He listened surreptitiously” can become “He eavesdropped.” Give yourself a choice. I am terrible with adverbs. I know I use them a lot. I cringe a little inside whenever I type in that “ly.” But sometimes you just have to have them there. So, I think back to this passage. If I’m going to use an adverb, might as well at least make it a good one. 5 | “Wiggle your pencil.” My 12th-grade creative writing teacher offered similar advice. But here’s what Tumblr user @sailordivinity has to say : The best writing teacher I ever had wasn’t the one who taught me grammar and spelling. He wasn’t the one who taught me outlining and paragraph structure, nor was he the one who taught me about themes, motifs, and symbolism.He said, “Wiggle your pencil.Put the tip of your pencil on the paper and keep the eraser end wiggling.If you have nothing to write, write that: I have nothing to write, I have nothing to write, I have nothing to write, I have nothing to write, and eventually, by force of boredom, something else will come out.We would take 30–45 minutes every day to ‘wiggle our pencils’ in our wide-ruled notebooks, during which time, he was silent except to remind anyone who stopped to keep that pencil moving. 6 | “Your daily, friendly reminder.” Ever wondered where to actually place that comma or how to integrate dialogue into your writing? I have, and Google never gave me a straight answer. Thankfully, Tumblr did. Several writers came together to put this masterpiece of a post together. “This is your daily, friendly reminder to use commas instead of periods during your story’s dialogue,” she said with a smile.“Unless you are following the dialogue with an action and not a dialogue tag.” He took a deep breath and sat back down after making the clarifying statement.“However,” she added, shifting in her seat, “it’s appropriate to use a comma if there’s action in the middle of a sentence.”“True.” She glanced at the others. “You can also end with a period if you include an action between two separate statements.”“And–” she waved a pen as though to underline her statement–“if you’re interrupting a sentence with an action, you need to type two hyphens to make an en-dash.” 7 | Five Words If you are a writer, you’ve probably seen this passage already, but it’s worth sharing because it allowed me to incorporate variety into my sentence structure. A Tumblr user quotes Gary Provost in this post. “This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals — sounds that say listen to this, it is important.” 8 | The Writing Equivalent of a “Lens Flare” This writing advice came from The Elements of Eloquence by Mark Forsyth , which I have read and highly recommend. The post begins… “Writing a novel when you imagine all your stories in film format is hard because there’s really no written equivalent of ‘lens flare’ or ‘slow motion montage backed by a Gregorian choir.’” Another user reblogged with a very detailed answer. You can get the same effect of a lens flare with close-detail descriptions, combined with breaks to new paragraphs. Your slow-motion montage backed by a Gregorian choir can be done with a few techniques that all involve repetition. First is epizeuxis, the repeating of a word for emphasis. Example: Falling. Falling. Falling. There was nothing to keep Marie from plunging into the rolling river below. She could only hope for a miracle now, that she would come out alive somehow despite a twenty-foot drop into five-foot-deep water. Then there’s anaphora, where you write several phrases with the same words at the beginning. There were still mages out there living in terror of shining steel armour emblazoned with the Sword of Mercy. There were still mages out there being forced by desperation into the clutches of demons. There were mages out there being threatened with Tranquility as punishment for their disobedience, and the threats were being made good upon. Mages who had attempted to flee, but knew nothing of the outside world were forced to return to their prison out of need for sustenance and shelter. Mages who only desired to find the families they were torn from. Mages who only wanted to see the sun. This kind of repetition effectively slows the pace of your writing and puts the focus on that small scene. That’s where you get your slow pan. The same repetition also has a subtle musicality to it depending on the words you use. That’s where you get the same vibe as you might get from a Gregorian choir. Final Thoughts I haven’t published any of my fiction (yet), but I’ve been writing for several years and I get better with every sentence. And a piece of advice I come across on Tumblr. While you should take most advice with a grain of salt when you’re first starting, it’s also helpful to test out different tips and techniques like the ones above. It’s how you find your unique style and voice as a writer. What writing tips or advice do you have? Share them in the comments below. I might have years of experience behind me, but I still love learning and testing new techniques.

And why routines are so important for Autistics. Published in Neurodivergent Life on Medium Rewind to May 2024. I wasn’t getting anything done. Unfocused, unmotivated, and utterly exhausted. When I sat down to work, I felt like I was already running on fumes. Being Autistic, I have a certain amount of energy each day and I need to use it wisely. Thus, something needed to change. But first, I needed to find the root of the problem. Examining The Daily Routine I reviewed my daily routine (this was an easy step because I keep a journal). I quickly noted that the morning part of the routine was lengthier than the rest of the day. To get a better picture of this I wrote a list of everything I do in a day. I tried to keep the list as in order as possible. Nothing was too small to add on. For example: Get out of bed Make the bed Open the curtains Pour and eat cereal for breakfast Etc. Next, I assigned one or more points to each item depending on the amount of energy I spent on it. If you do this for yourself, don’t overthink it. The goal is to get a general idea of where you’re spending your energy throughout the day. Lastly, I added up the points for each section of the day: Morning Afternoon (work and lunch) Late Afternoon (supper) Evening My hypothesis was indeed correct. I spent a third of my energy in the morning before I even sat down to work. Yikes! No wonder I wasn’t getting anything work done. Why Do Autistic’s Like Routines So Much? Before I explain my new Plan™ that resulted from this exercise, I want to take a look at how and why routines are so important to Autistic’s like me. “The point is not what the routine consists of, but how steady and safe your subconscious mind is made through repetitive motions and expected outcomes.” Brianna Wiest, 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think, pg. 17. Wiest may not be Autistic, but she clearly understands the value of routines. Every Autistic will have different routines and their own reasons for having them. Here are just a few of those possible reasons. 1 | Routines Are Familiar and Safe As Wiest pointed out, routines can help calm your mind due to their familiarity. I’d take this one step further and say they also bring a certain amount of safety and comfort. While I, and many other neurodivergent’s outside of Autistics, have to consciously think about each step of our day , the amount of mental energy spent lessens because we’re not having to think up new ideas or ways of doing things. Routines mean we can simply do each task and do them with ease because they aren’t brand new, but familiar. 2 | Routines Provide Structure and Predictability Similar to the above, routines can also provide structure and predictability. I think it’s worth separating these two points because while routines are familiar, the underlying reason why Autistic’s often cling to them is because of the structure they provide. The world is unpredictable, chaotic, and unexpected to say the least. This is difficult for my Autistic brain to process. I’m constantly absorbing sensory input and it uses up a lot of my energy, more so when I’m in a new environment and/or meeting new people. A routine looks like taking the same route to the grocery store, going to the same grocery store each and every time, and maybe even choosing the same cashier. While this doesn’t negate the sensory input I’m receiving, the small moments of routine and predictability help counter the overwhelming environment. 3 | Routines Have Sensory Benefits Routines have sensory benefits because you have more control over your environment and can work in sensory/stimming breaks. I include a 15-minute walk around my neighbourhood (weather permitting) mid-afternoon. The walk makes sure I get some form of exercise each day, but it also lets me enter a familiar environment outside of my home (because I wfh) where I can take in the sights and sounds, i.e. the sensory input. This also acts as a transitionary period. Task switching is difficult for me and many Autistic’s, so the sensory walk gives me a much needed break in the middle of the day and helps me transition between projects I’m working on. 4 | Routines Offer A Sense of Purpose Fourth and finally, routines can provide a sense of purpose. Rather than aimlessly go about each day, a routine guarantees pre-set tasks get completed and you’ve accomplished something , whether that be writing an article or just making the bed. Autistic’s have an eye for detail however, this means we can forget the big picture sometimes. This is one of the reasons I keep a journal and recommend others do as well. A journal or to-do list gives me that visual overview of everything I’ve completed in a day, from the smallest, everyday tasks to the larger projects I’m working on. It helps me see the bigger picture and that I am working toward my goals and living a purposeful life. The New Routine Now that we’ve covered why routines are important, let’s move on to how I created a new one that makes better use of my energy levels throughout the day. As I mentioned earlier I realized I was spending most of my time and energy in the morning. Except I know I am most productive in the morning which means I should be working on…well work. While I would try to do all the little tasks first thing in the morning such as doing the cat litter, the dishes, making the bed, and more, I moved some of those things down to the afternoon. This way I can start working and being productive right after I’m done getting ready for the day. Here’s what my routine looks like now. Morning You’ll only find the bare minimum here. These are the tasks that help set me up for the day ahead like making the bed and tidying up my workspace. Afternoon I spend most of the afternoon working, but I have built in an hour mid-day to get lunch, go on my walk, and do some of those previous morning tasks like the cat litter. As I said above, this mid-day break is a nice way to transition into new tasks. Late-Afternoon After I’m done with the work day I take some time to practice gratitude and journal. I also plan for the day ahead. This is a nice transition and a way to wind down before I head down to the kitchen to cook some supper. Evening I spend the rest of my day reading or watching a show or movie to unwind. I’ve been really into documentaries lately, and the dedicated reading hour means I’ve read much more consistently. I also try to set myself up for a good start the next morning by choosing what I’m going to wear beforehand. It’s one less decision I have to make the next day. Final Thoughts I’ve been practicing this new routine for a month now and I am amazed at how much I’m getting done and how balanced I feel. I haven’t been on social media as much. Actually, I’m sort of taking a break from social media. I haven’t been following such a strict content schedule and therefore am feeling less anxious and stressed out. I also make time to write almost every day and it’s fantastic! Whether that’s writing an article/blog or a piece of fiction, I’m really enjoying stretching my creative muscles. Writing is my true passion after all. All of this together, minimal social media and a set routine that balances my energy levels, means I even have some extra time in the day to learn something new or take a free course. I’ve somehow managed to build a routine that doesn’t exhaust me, gives me that work-life balance, and allows me to pursue both professional and personal goals. Who would have thought this was possible? Not me. Not a month ago. Now, I will put in a small disclaimer here that l keep some things flexible. During each transition period, I try to assess where I’m at and what I feel up to. So, maybe I don’t write every day, or I only get an hour of work done, but the routine gives me a framework to operate within. So, there you have it, a look into my routine that works with my Autistic brain and why routines are so important to many Autistics.

Three Methods to Get Out of Your Head Published in Good Vibes Club on Medium It’s late. You’re lying in bed trying to sleep. You’ve lost count of the number of times you’ve rolled over. Your mind is spinning in circles, the same unrelenting and useless thoughts circling from one to the next and then back again like some kind of never-ending rollercoaster. It’s driving you crazy. Not only the thoughts themselves but the looping of them all, an instant replay you never asked for. I call these “thought loops.” A term not of my invention, but one that is fitting, nonetheless. I used to get pulled down by these thought loops and have no idea how to escape their needy grasp. But I have learned. I have found ways to disentangle myself and stop the loop. They are as follows: Writing it all down Distracting through joy and gratitude Creating an action plan that focuses on what I can control These methods can work together in combination but do not have to. Also, keep in mind that each one can benefit a specific situation, but not always another. Sometimes writing it all down is enough. Other’s I need to do more, or I know writing it down won’t help in this particular situation. Got it? Got it. Alright, let’s flesh out the first method: writing it all down. Writing It Down I am a huge proponent of journaling. It’s a practice I’ve cultivated and improved on over several years. While I know it’s not for everyone, if it’s been a while since you’ve tried, I suggest giving it one more chance. Not only is journaling a good way to record events but I recently learned that writing down a memory increases the likelihood of forgetting that memory (from The Memory Illusion by Dr. Julia Shaw). I think this is why I often feel the weight of the thought loops lifted after a good journaling session. My mind has allowed those memories to exist outside of myself, so I don’t have to hold onto them. I also recommend journaling because it is a relatively inexpensive and healthy way to process complex thoughts and emotions. You also don’t have to write if you don’t want to. You can record yourself or you can type it out on your phone or computer. If writing really isn’t your thing, remember there’s more than one way to journal. Distraction Through Joy Occasionally I can recognize when I’m overthinking, I just have to distract myself, get out of my own head and my own way. So, when I need a good distraction, I turn to the activities that bring me joy. These can include, but are not limited to: Watching a favourite comfort show Going on a walk Free-writing session Reading a book (or re-reading a favourite) Baking Listening to music Lighting a candle Not all these are intensive and require a lot of physical or mental energy. Sometimes the act alone of lighting a candle and just sitting to listen to music is enough to bring myself (and my overthinking mind) back to the present. Otherwise, I’ll spend some time writing down what I’m grateful for or go outside to just observe. Essentially there are two ways to distract yourself from overthinking: Do something that brings you joy and stay “busy” Do nothing, take in the present moment, and slow down I actually like to do this before I journal. I know it takes my mind longer to process things. So, by distracting myself it gives my subconscious time to process, thus when I do sit down to write, I’m already a little distanced from the intense thoughts and feelings. Action Plan Lastly, when all else fails, it’s time to create a plan. I’m sure many of us know the feeling of not knowing where or how to start. My thought loops and overthinking can arise from this feeling. I don’t know where to start, I panic, and then I overthink everything just to end up doing absolutely nothing. And then I might panic even more because I haven’t done anything yet. So, once I can get out of my own head, and using one of the two methods above usually helps, I sit down and create an action plan. I write down the issue or problem at hand and then what I’m trying to accomplish. I brainstorm some practical and manageable steps to take to move toward this goal/resolution. The hiccup I often face here is forgetting what I can and cannot control. I have to remember to focus on what I can do versus what is someone else’s responsibility. Let’s look at an example. Say you’re working on updating your resume and applying for a new job. There are two things within your control: Your resume Your application Anything beyond that is up to the hiring manager. Of course, you can also spend time researching the company, following them on social media, etc. but ultimately, you’ve done what you can, and the rest is out of your hands until you get a response. Make sense? Excellent. Final Thoughts There you have it, three ways to come back to the self and get back on track after overthinking. Writing it all down, distracting yourself, or making a plan are all great ways to overcome thought loops . But they are not the only ways. So, leave a comment below if there’s anything you do to “stop overthinking” or “get out of your head.” Let’s share the strategies that work for us because they just might help someone else too.

Published in The Live. Love. Laugh. Pub on Medium I sit, quietly, in my bed, laptop resting before me, a candle flame flickering in my periphery. The wooden wick crackles reminding me of those marshmallow-roasting nights around a campfire on a family vacation out East. I type another line of words and glance at my sleeping cat in her bed by the window. I make sure to take a second or two to appreciate this moment. This moment and others like it are why it’s important to romanticize your life, even occasionally. In a world that begs productivity, speed, and efficiency taking time to notice the calm, the gentle, the content both rebels against the status quo and proves to us a slow, meaningful life is possible. Seeking these moments of calm in a busy world is not only wishful thinking but a necessity. We must allow ourselves to rest, to replenish our energy, to re-balance our minds and our bodies. When we remind ourselves of the present moment the worries of the past and the anxious thoughts of the future blow away in the wind. Our minds, and in turn our goals, become clearer because there is no more clutter crowding up the space. There is safety in routine. Stability in the repetitive. Love in the familiar. There is wonder in the every day and this awe can ground us, it can remind us of what really matters to us, as human beings. Because it is not money, or fame, or power that we crave, it is connection. Community. Intimacy. It’s not letting life carry on forward without stopping to appreciate it, appreciate how far we’ve come, even if there is more to go. Joy must be sought out. We must seek — no, carve out — the moments in time when time slows down or even stops. We must look up and raise our heads and our hearts to the beauty and kindness that still exists (despite what the news channels might tell us). There is goodness in this world, calm amongst the busyness, content amongst the overwhelming flow of content. So, I stop and smell the roses. I take a breath and express gratitude because life isn’t perfect, but some moments are. It’s up to us to notice them. Sometimes, it’s up to us to create them. I see the clouds covering the sun, but know rain is unlikely. I see the wind blow through the trees. I inhale that calm scent of vanilla and cashmere from my candle and let my words drift across the page. There is calm in this busy world, and it is worth finding it.

Or not. Who knows? Originally published in Word Garden on Medium. There’s enough writing advice out there, right? At every turn, someone is out there saying “said is dead” or trying to limit my usage of (un)necessary commas (the audacity). However, many authors with more authority and experience have written the same topic or subject matter I want to. But I have not. Am I the first person to write about my experience as a late-identified Autistic woman? Heck no. But my experience of being Autistic is unique to me and thus, I will write it. All this to say, you better prepare to read my two cents of writing advice, especially if you’re just starting. What Gives Me the Right To Offer Advice? I’ve been writing since I was a teenager. My passion for writing grew in my senior year creative writing class. And after I graduated? It blossomed tenfold. I took a gap year (which turned into three years, but that’s a story for another time). And when I say I wrote hundreds of thousands of words. I wrote hundreds of thousands of words. I blogged. I wrote not one, but two 90k first drafts. I wrote over 200 poems. I journaled. Whenever I had the chance my laptop sat open or my journal lay open to a blank page and I was writing. And if I wasn’t writing? I was reading. This brings me to my first piece of advice. Read. Read. Read. Aside from actually writing, the best way to learn how to write: is to read. But you can’t just read anything , you have to be decisive about it (sort of). My top advice is to read everything you can get your hands on. Read within your genre. Read outside of your genre. Try out different mediums. Read fantasy. Read mystery. Read poems, novellas, and short stories. Read essays. Read marketing advertisements, press releases, and websites. Then take a few favourite pieces and head to the next step. Analyze Others’ Work Analyze and dissect others’ work. What do I mean by this? I mean: Go through word by word. Then sentence by sentence. Examine how each word and sentence work together to form a cohesive paragraph and story. For example, my favourite book is Heist Society by Ally Carter. I first read this book and the rest of the trilogy in 7th and 8th grade. So, yes, it is a kid/teen series. But I copied the first few pages, printed it, and grabbed my highlighters. I figured out how Carter wove character details into each scene. As well as how a character’s voice came through in the dialogue. I learned so much about creative writing from only two pages. And those lessons have stuck with me since then. This also works with non-fiction books and articles. Look at how a writer structures an essay or article. How does the writer start the essay? How do they end it? How do they weave in storytelling techniques with cited sources of facts and data? How would you describe the writer’s voice and what does their word choice say about them and the subject matter? The key here is to keep asking questions and finding the answers. Even if it’s just a word you don’t know, take the time to look it up. Stay curious. My last piece of advice might seem…silly or obvious, but it comes from a good place. Nail Down Your Grammar and Punctuation I fou nd The 11 Rules of Grammar: Understand the Basics . It co vers the basics in an easily digestible way. Even if you have the words, the impact of your writing will suffer if the proper grammar isn’t present. Grammar and punctuation are the foundation on which you build your writing. So, ensure you know it inside and out when you get to that editing stage. Find Community And Get Feedback Have others read your writing and critique it. Little is as beneficial as peer-reviewed feedback. Of course, you must be careful and wary of the criticisms that are just plain negative and unhelpful. The goal is to remain open and receptive to constructive criticism. Then others will be supportive and provide helpful feedback. Helpful Resources The Elements of Eloquence by Mark Forsyth is the best book that improved my writing. Hoopla and Kanopy are free borrowing/lending apps available with a library card. They allow you to borrow movies, shows, books, and more. There are also educational and how-to series on writing essays, fiction, and the like. I’m currently watching Becoming a Great Essayist (which costs hundreds of dollars if you click the link, but I’m watching it on Kanopy for free ). The Hemmingway Editor is a free site that provides an analysis of: Readability and grade level Hard-to-read and very-hard-to-read sentences Adverb and weak language use Words with simpler alternatives Use of passive voice The great thing is you don’t have to accept every suggestion. Though, it has helped me cut back on my run-on sentences. I tend to ramble if you haven’t noticed. Notable Mentions Grammarly Dictionary.com Thesaurus.com Final Thoughts Alright, I’m about to contradict myself, are you ready? Ok. Take every piece of advice I’ve just offered with a grain of salt. Will my advice, and others, help? Probably, but when you start writing throw the so-called rules out the window. I mean it. Writing is a form of self-discovery. If you get caught up in the “rules” it’ll be much harder to find your unique voice, what topics you like to write about, and so on. So, get out there and start writing! Or rather find a quiet place to sit comfortably with a pen and paper or your laptop.

Brain dumps. The junk drawer of the journal. Originally published in Write A Catalyst on Medium. You can fill a page with ideas, thoughts, to-do’s, and more. Much like a physical junk drawer, it can sit and collect dust. So, how can we use these emptying-of-the-mind sessions to our advantage? How can we make sure we return to our ideas and to-do’s? The Key of Signifiers and Symbols Using a key is a known concept to journalers and bujo-ers. The bullet journal creator, Ryder Carroll, suggests using only a few signifiers — for example, an asterisk or an exclamation point to mark important tasks. However, I have a more thorough approach. While less is more, sometimes we need a way to differentiate between a normal note and an idea. An idea and a blog post topic. A blog post topic and a book we want to read. Let’s Set The Scene Before I head straight to the solution, let’s set the scene, shall we? One day, I started a brain dump spread and had a difficult time differentiating my thoughts and ideas. My scattered thoughts needed to leave my mind and fall to the page to sort through and make sense of them. I used a simple dash to mark each new thought. Some thoughts related to my blog so I’d draw a small circle with a marker next to it. I had this colour-coding system established and I thought it would be enough. Surprise! It wasn’t. To find a specific note I had to scan through all of them. These brain-dumping sessions, or as I like to call them “Randomness” spreads, were proving more tedious than advantageous. They hindered my journaling practice instead of helping it. Instead of dropping the spread altogether, I simply needed a new system. So, I ditched Ryder Carroll’s advice and adopted more than two signifiers. Brainstorming for Brain Dumping I started a new spread in my journal and began drawing simple symbols. These symbols needed to do two things, 1) be easily replicated and 2) be easy to remember. (I’m no artist so I wasn’t about to step out of that comfort zone and complicate the process further). Next, I thought about what my notes contained. The subject matter of my notes. This would determine how many symbols I needed to differentiate my thoughts. Lastly, I figured out what type of note best matched each symbol. For example, I use an asterisk or star to mark notes that are important or of priority. I also use an exclamation point to represent ideas and things to remember. The Final Key of Symbols Now, let’s bring it all together. What symbols did I decide to use? An open book for book titles and authors. A question mark for things I want to research or look up later. A capital B for blog post ideas and topics. A heart for things I like or want to save. An ellipses for journal prompts. A squiggle for poems, story ideas, or story notes. Two upwards pointing chevron lines to record my beliefs and insights. Like this >>, but pointing up. A swirl for recording my dreams. Final Thoughts Before I wrap this up, I think it’s important to note (no pun intended) that signifiers are usually written next to the dash of a note. Like so: ! — a cool idea here For the symbols I described above, I actually use them in place of the dash. Thus, it becomes: ! a cool idea here I do this mostly to take up less space, but it also helps visually. It makes everything look nicer and easier to read. All in all, this system has worked well for me. I haven’t felt the need to add more symbols or remove some. It is also important to say that I don’t always use all the symbols. For example, the swirl for recording my dreams only comes up once in a while when a dream sticks out to me. It’s a simple, flexible system that’s easy to remember and can be turned into or added to a journal key. The system organizes the junk drawer of my mind while still keeping everything in one place.

Y’know I never really considered myself a writer. Yet, looking back now, I was quite the storyteller. As A Kid I used to write fake news reports when I was a kid and set up the camera on our karaoke machine and pretend I was presenting on air. I attended Oxford Learning Centre in the summer between grades 6 and 7 and then 7 and 8. During that second summer I was to write a short story. The teacher expected 2–3 pages. I think I wrote about 14. It was the same in school. In 8th grade I was to write another short story, 5 pages max. I wrote 6 and ½. The funny thing is, looking at my old report cards, I always had a solid B in all my English classes. I didn’t get my first A in English until my Grade 9 final exam (and I was both surprised and damn proud of that 92%). In High School During high school I also got really good at writing essays. They weren’t perfect, I wasn’t getting 100% on everything, but I was getting on average an 85% or more (which counts as an A, for my American readers). Mind you, once I had an essay planned out with the appropriate research I had it done in an hour. I literally never spent more than a few hours researching and writing an essay, I never edited them properly, and I always got a solid A-. By 10th grade I tried plotting a full story. I had some character ideas and a meager plot I wanted to flesh out. And I did, but the story didn’t go anywhere. Next I took on blogging. I just wrote about a page on whatever subject or topic that came to mind. Maybe it was something that happened at school that day or a short book review. I blogged off and on throughout high school. I think I picked it up again in my final year, or it was just after I graduated. I started a wordpress website (wordpress, omg), and started blogging my thoughts there. I also took a creative writing class in my final year and got really into writing. I still wasn’t very good at finishing any larger stories, but I was learning and honing my craft. I grew to enjoy poetry, which I thought I would never like. I was able to share my writing with my classmates and only be partially (a lot) awkward about it. The In-Between Years There were a solid three years between the time I graduated and before I started college. I wrote two full length manuscripts in that time and had a bunch of other stories floating around in various states of completion. I’d start something and then get bored or get a new idea and move on. But I was writing. I was writing and developing characters and building worlds and all of that has helped me grow as a writer. In College In the summer between first and second year of college I participated in Camp NaNoWriMo and wrote a 50,000 word manuscript. I had it printed out and bought myself a crown. Then I realized I wasn’t terribly happy with it and have since set out to replot the majority of it and spend significantly more time outlining. Unfortunately, my creative writing is on the back burner right now because I need to make money, but I know it’s there and I will always go back to it. Now, I write here on Medium. I’m finally starting to make a little bit of money from it too. The first time I’ve ever made money from my writing and I think that’s so cool. Final Thoughts When I say I have years of experience writing, or that I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words–I’m not exaggerating. Those first two manuscripts I wrote were easily upwards of 80,000 words each. Each. One of them was written by hand. I once wrote 10,000 words in a week around the time the pandemic hit. I’ve written over 200 poems (angsty, depressed poems when I was like 17 years old, but hey). I have a 15,000 word completed short story. I’ve written almost 100 posts for this blog here. Of course, nothing has been published yet. Everything I’ve completed are first drafts and everything I haven’t completed are just sitting on my hard drive. I used to beat myself up for having all this work written, but not being able to show anything for it. But now I know I’ve been developing this skill all these years. I’ve been getting better and better, learning more and more. I will write and publish a novel one day. I know I will. Until then, I will continue to write to my heart’s content and learn as much as I can. I will continue to explore different fiction genres and learn more about content and copywriting. I’ll continue to hone my skills as a writer. And I am a writer. I can say that now with certainty. I am a writer.

This is for the people who know nothing about Autism and need a place to start, whether you’re Autistic yourself or you know someone who is. Neurotypes and Disabilities Autism is categorized as a developmental disability. You can read a full breakdown of this here: What is the Autism Spectrum Anyway? I like to think of Autism more as a neurotype. My brain is wired differently than is considered “typical,” but ultimately I am only disabled within the context of the society and culture I live in. This does not negate my disability. I am still disabled. But it is not something I can change about myself. If Autism is a neurotype, it means it affects everything about who I am. My brain is wired in a certain way. Autism as a disability makes it seem like it is only a piece of who I am and that it can be changed or altered. In truth, it can only be accommodated. What People Get Wrong and How to Get it Right The Usual Eye-Rolling Comments “But you don’t look Autistic.” “Well, we’re all just a little bit Autistic, right?” “You’re nothing like my [insert other Autistic person here].” Autism has no “look.” Anyone can be Autistic no matter their sex, gender, ethnicity, age, or otherwise. No, we are not all just a little bit Autistic. Autism is a neurotype and disability. Either your brain is wired differently than “typical” and you are actively disabled in society, or you’re not. We are not all alike. I am a biracial Autistic woman that wasn’t diagnosed until I was 22 years old. Of course I’m not going to be like your five year old nephew who’s also on the Spectrum. We are as unique as any other individual. Instead of saying these things, try this. “Thank you for telling me, what can I do to help accommodate you/what do you need me to know?” Any version of this will go a long way in the long term. When someone trusts you enough to tell you they are Autistic, don’t downplay it. Recognize their vulnerability and show that you are on their side. Meet them halfway and ask how you can help them be more comfortable and accommodated around you. Autistic Children Grow up to be Autistic Adults Despite not being diagnosed until later in life, I know what it’s like to be underestimated and “talked down to,” as so many Autistic’s are when revealing they are on Autistic. I’ve heard stories of adult Autistics suddenly being spoken to like children. It’s infantilizing, ignorant, and downright uncomfortable. I experience this because I am very petite. I still get mistaken for a young teenager on a regular basis. It’s something I’ve had to deal with my whole life, no matter my age, and it can be frustrating. I can do in-depth about this experience here: Autism and Our Unsatisfying Labels Autistic children grow up to be Autistic adults. We do not disappear from existence or stop being Autistic when we turn eighteen. So please, speak to us as you would anyone else. Even those with communication difficulties/differences don’t need to be spoken to in a “baby” voice. Sensory Needs One of the more common Autistic traits, though it is seldom spoken of, are sensory sensitivities. Autistics are more sensitive to sensory input and stimuli. Here are some general rules to help you navigate and accommodate these sensory sensitivities. No touching. Unless you are given explicit consent, many Autistics do not like being touched. I, for example, don’t like light touch, meaning a tap on the shoulder or a hand on my back. I don’t mind hugs, but I would rather be asked and allowed to say no if I want to when it comes to giving someone a hug. No shouting or loud/sudden noises. Noise is another common sensitivity and Autistics can accommodate this with earplugs or headphones. However, sometimes, even that isn’t enough because it’s not only uncomfortable, but can physically hurt. Avoid crowded spaces. For the most part, getting together with your Autistic friend in a crowded space is going to be difficult. Either it won’t happen at all or they can only tolerate that environment for a few hours. Read more on sensory sensitivities here: Autism and the 8 Senses Talk to Us In line with the above, communicating with Autistics is going to look different than it does with others. This is due to communication differences, sensory sensitivities, the fact that our brains are wired completely differently, etc. Here are three things to keep in mind. Don’t force eye contact. Eye contact is difficult for Autistics. It is a very intimate and vulnerable thing to us. I know it might feel like we’re not paying attention, but in fact it is helping us pay better attention. When I don’t have to worry about making eye contact I can hear and comprehend what the other person is saying better and in turn I can think more clearly and respond more thoroughly. Let us stim. Similar to not making eye contact, stimming helps us focus by regulating our nervous system. I’ll often fidget with a scrunchie while talking to someone because I feel nervous or overwhelmed and I need to do something, externally, to regulate that. I wrote a post recently on stimming that you can read here: Don’t Forget to Stim Be patient. Patience is a virtue. Due to our communication differences I find we, as Autistics, often have more questions when conversing, we might need more clarification than someone else, and we’ll speak rather directly. We are also prone to info-dumping when a special interest is brought up. Please understand that we are never coming from a place of ill intent. We are merely trying to make sure we’re all on the same page, but for us that can look like “over-explaining,” and can come across as rude. For those of us Autistics that are non-verbal: AAC boards, typed, written, or other forms of communication are still valid forms of communication. Final Thoughts I can’t remember where I read it now, but if we could all work from a place of, “everyone is doing the best they can,” the world might be a better place. If we could all respect each other’s differences and be patient with those differences because “they are doing the best they can, just like I am,” interacting with others would be a lot more pleasant.