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- So You Wanna Be A Writer: Covering the Basics for New Writers
The wonderful thing about writing is that you don’t have to wait to start. Unlike picking up the violin, writing doesn’t require you to wait three months learning about the instrument and how to read sheet music before you can start to play. With writing, you can learn and hone your craft as you go. Therefore, by no means do you have to know everything about what I advise below. If you know how to read and how to write (print, type, dictate, etc.), you can be a writer. More of a Writer Than You Think You’re a rookie, a newbie, a novice, to the writing craft. My first piece of advice is to take stock of the things you’ve already written. But I haven’t written anything yet! What do you mean!? Well, you might not have written a whole novel, but I’m willing to bet you’ve taken notes for school, typed an email, sent a text, or written a speech for a presentation. Even that two-page short story you had to write in 7th grade counts. See what I’ve come to realize is that we’re all writers in some capacity. Maybe not creative fiction writers, but writers nonetheless. You’re not starting from a completely blank slate. Even if you’ve somehow gotten away with never having written a single word in your life thus far, I also bet that if you’ve shown some interest in writing, you’ve probably read a lot too: books, poems, blogs, social media posts, fanfiction. Reading counts as writing experience. Watching movies and engaging with TV shows counts as writing experience. How? Because it teaches you about storytelling, it’s only a different medium. Formatting, Grammar, and Punctuation As I mentioned above, you don’t have to be an expert on formatting, grammar, or punctuation to start writing. That being said, it helps to know the rules, if only so you can break them effectively. Formatting In Western society, books are formatted from left to right, front to back. By comparison, manga (graphic novels) in Japan are formatted back to front. Some East Asian scripts are written vertically, rather than horizontally. I’m going to focus on formatting as I know it in the West. Let’s start broadly and work our way inwards. Books are typically formatted using a justified alignment, rather than a strictly left alignment. Pick up any book on your shelf and you’ll notice the sides of the paragraphs align with the margins. There’s much more wiggle room if you’re writing poetry to play around with centre and right alignments, but even then, they’re generally left-aligned. Each new paragraph is indented. There are two exceptions. The first is if a chapter begins with a drop cap. A drop cap is when the first letter in the first sentence is larger than the rest of the text. The second is if there is a scene break. If there is a visual marker, such as a string of asterisks, the next paragraph can begin indented or not, but if there is simply a blank line left, then the following paragraph isn’t indented, but the one after that will be. See the examples below. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit. Quisque faucibus ex sapien vitae pellentesque sem placerat. In id cursus mi pretium tellus duis convallis. Tempus leo eu aenean sed diam urna tempor. Pulvinar vivamus fringilla lacus nec metus bibendum egestas. Iaculis massa nisl malesuada lacinia integer nunc posuere. Ut hendrerit semper vel class aptent taciti sociosqu. Ad litora torquent per conubia nostra inceptos himenaeos. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit. Quisque faucibus ex sapien vitae pellentesque sem placerat. In id cursus mi pretium tellus duis convallis. Tempus leo eu aenean sed diam urna tempor. Pulvinar vivamus fringilla lacus nec metus bibendum egestas. Iaculis massa nisl malesuada lacinia integer nunc posuere. Ut hendrerit semper vel class aptent taciti sociosqu. Ad litora torquent per conubia nostra inceptos himenaeos. Blank line and no indent, or… Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit. Quisque faucibus ex sapien vitae pellentesque sem placerat. In id cursus mi pretium tellus duis convallis. Tempus leo eu aenean sed diam urna tempor. Pulvinar vivamus fringilla lacus nec metus bibendum egestas. Iaculis massa nisl malesuada lacinia integer nunc posuere. Ut hendrerit semper vel class aptent taciti sociosqu. Ad litora torquent per conubia nostra inceptos himenaeos. *** Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet consectetur adipiscing elit. Quisque faucibus ex sapien vitae pellentesque sem placerat. In id cursus mi pretium tellus duis convallis. Tempus leo eu aenean sed diam urna tempor. Pulvinar vivamus fringilla lacus nec metus bibendum egestas. Iaculis massa nisl malesuada lacinia integer nunc posuere. Ut hendrerit semper vel class aptent taciti sociosqu. Ad litora torquent per conubia nostra inceptos himenaeos. Visual marker and an indent. A combination of the above is also acceptable (knowing the rules so you can break them, remember?). But wait, how do you separate a story into paragraphs? Generally, you don’t want a bunch of single-word or single-line paragraphs one after the other. There is a handy acronym to keep in mind, though. TiP ToP stands for Time, Place, Topic, and Person. Any time one of those four things changes, a new paragraph is started. This is especially important in dialogue. When a new character (Person) is speaking, it requires a new paragraph. For example: “Hello, my name is Brittany,” she said to the girl sitting across from her. “Hi, I’m Claire,” the girl replied. Not… “Hello, my name is Brittany,” she said to the girl sitting across from her. “Hi, I’m Claire,” the girl replied. Grammar and Punctuation If English is not your first language, it’s ok if you decide to write in English and make grammar mistakes. It’s expected. No native speaker is going to take offense. If you are a native speaker, well, I expect a higher degree of ability. Writing with the intent of publishing includes the expectation of an error-free, or almost error-free, manuscript. This does not apply to first drafts. Or even second drafts. It applies to whatever draft you intend to submit to a professional agent or editor. But you’re just a beginner, so don’t take it too seriously, alright? Cover the basics and worry about perfecting them later. Like dialogue rules. Did I know how to format dialogue when I first started writing? A little bit, but only because I was such an avid reader. Learning the deeper details came much, much later. As a starting point, below is my favourite example as a demonstration of formatting and punctuating dialogue from this Tumblr post . “This is your daily, friendly reminder to use commas instead of periods during your story’s dialogue,” she said with a smile. “Unless you are following the dialogue with an action and not a dialogue tag.” He took a deep breath and sat back down after making the clarifying statement. “However,” she added, shifting in her seat, “it’s appropriate to use a comma if there’s action in the middle of a sentence.” “True.” She glanced at the others. “You can also end with a period if you include an action between two separate statements.” “And–” she waved a pen as though to underline her statement–“if you’re interrupting a sentence with an action, you need to type two hyphens to make an en-dash.” Planning vs. Pantsing When you first start writing, I recommend just jumping into it. You won’t know if you’re more of a plotter or a pantser (writing by the seat of your pants) unless you write something and find out. Keep in mind, most people sit somewhere on a linear spectrum between the two. I started as a pantser, though I knew in my heart I was more of a plotter. My issue was that I didn’t know how to plot effectively. I knew you needed characters, and scenes, and a world to put everything in, but I didn’t know how much I needed. A lot happens throughout a book, and I found that through pantsing, I’d throw in scenes just to have more plot, or I’d drag a scene out with too much description just to hit the word count. I’ll admit, I floundered when it came to learning how to plot for at least one too many years before I figured it out. Of course, this is par for the course. You learn as you go. This is why I’m putting together this article to share what I needed to hear and learn about when I first started. There’s a plethora of advice out there, and the so-called “rules” of writing, it’s difficult to hack away at the overgrown grasses of nonsense and find your path of advice that works for you. Please note: take all advice with a grain of salt (even mine). You’re going to find advice that isn’t meant for you, or advice that isn’t meant for a beginner, or a first draft, or even your first story. I suggest seeking advice from writers/authors you admire, a bonus if you’ve read their work. Character, Plot, Worldbuilding A book needs three things: character(s), plot, and worldbuilding (yes, even for books set in our world). Every writer usually struggles with at least one of these three things. If I haven’t made it clear yet, mine was plot. I had characters and a cool world to put them in, but what happens in the story, again? I have no idea. Until recently, I had never quite wrapped my head around the 3 or 4-act structure. Close Reading for Plot The number one thing I recommend if you want to learn about plot is to do a close reading. A close reading is when you choose a book, the more familiar you are with it, the better. However, you can choose any book: I’d likely choose a standalone over a series, and something quick, such as a thriller or romance novel. Then, you start reading either with a notebook close by or you can annotate directly in the margins of the book to record everything that happens, every main point or scene in each chapter. I did this with The Mask Collectors by Ruvanee Pietersz Vilhauer, which had very short chapters, so often there was only one bullet point per chapter. Then you can type it up into one document or look over your notes and gain an understanding of all the little pieces that make up a whole book. I’ve shared my close reading in this Google Doc . Close reading is why I’ve included Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose in the recommended reading section below, because it goes into more detail about how to, well…read like a writer. Developing The Characters Victoria Schwab is easily one of my favourite authors. When she creates her characters, she asks herself three questions: What is this character’s greatest fear? What do they want most of all? What are they willing to do to get it? What I like about these questions is that they imply that in order for the character to get what they want, they have to face their biggest fear, which just makes for great storytelling. Building The World Writers like Schwab and Ally Carter also create their world through their characters, or vice versa. It’s not necessarily about “where does this story take place?” or “what fantastical world can I put them in?” A good fictional world meets the characters where they are. Ally Carter builds her world based on these four questions: What is a world that is going to result in the most interesting characters? What are the things that are true for everyone in this world? What are the things that are true for just my characters? What are the secret things that only my characters know? You can learn more about Carter’s writing advice in the book review below. Writing Craft For Teens by a YA Author Dear Ally, How Do You Write a Book by Ally Carter Book Review brittany-notolux.medium.com Final Thoughts We covered formatting, grammar, and punctuation, planning vs. pantsing, and character, plot, and worldbuilding. For those last three, I am considering making a separate article or series. Comment below if you have any interest in that. I’d especially like to go more into character: arcs, emotional beats, building a backstory, etc. As I mentioned before, take all writing advice, including mine, with a grain of salt. Some of it will apply to you, some of it won’t. That is completely ok. I wrote this because I wanted to share what I needed to hear when I first started writing, but also I wanted to offer advice for beginners outside of just: write and read a lot. Which you should still do, but I hope this article has given you something a bit more tangible to work with. P.S. After drafting this article, I came across a post on Tumblr from a new writer filled with anxiety, displeased with their writing thus far, and wanting advice about what to do. So, here’s some much-needed reassurance for the rookies out there. When you first start writing, don’t worry about plot, character, or worldbuilding. Focus on writing sentences — good sentences. Sentences that use active voice and all the flowery language you want. Focus on playing around with metaphors and literary devices. Learn how to write good sentences first. Learn about description, infodumping, and writing action. Plot, pacing, character creation, and development, that can all come later. You can learn those things one at a time, in as many pieces and steps as you need to. Moreover, the first few things you write may only be a couple hundred words. That’s ok. Do not try to tackle a novel at the outset. You need to be ok with failing one moment and then picking up another idea in the next. Writing is a practice. It is a craft. You get better the longer you do it. Learn about the ingredients before you try to make the meal. Start with one-page stories, then two, then three, and so on. Set a page goal and write until you reach that goal. It doesn’t matter if it’s any good, or that you can only pull a single line that is any good from it. What matters is that you write and then you read it over and see where you still need to improve. Also, you can edit that one-page story afterward. You can start a second draft and make revisions and changes, big and small. You can write several versions of the same story if you have too many ideas. The point is, the first idea you have, the first twenty ideas you have, aren’t likely to pan out. That’s normal. That’s expected. That’s ok. Take a breath and try again. Recommended Resources Reading Books I read all but one for free through Project Gutenberg and my library. The Elements of Style by William Strunk ( Free eBook: Project Gutenberg ) The Elements of Eloquence by Mark Forsyth Dear Ally, How Do You Write a Book? by Ally Carter Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose My Articles The Best Writing Advice You’ll Ever Get. Or not. Who knows? The 8 Writing Tips That Made Me a Better Writer. From Tumblr’s Writeblr. I Am A Writer: Here’s My Journey Watching/Listening Brandon Sanderson’s Writing Lectures on YouTube No Write Way Podcast by V. E. Schwab
- Are We Sacrificing Creativity and Critical Thinking for Speedy GenAI?
Part 3: Examining Generative AI Photo by Cup of Couple Over the last few days, I’ve been writing about generative AI. First, its environmental impact , second, how it’s trained , and finally, how it impacts creativity and critical thinking skills. How Does Creativity Actually Work? Before jumping into AI, I wanted to first understand how creativity works, what parts of the brain are in use. In an American Psychological Association article, first published in 2022 , John Kounios, PhD, explained that “There are different routes to a creative spark.” Two systems, to be specific. System 1 is “quick, unconscious thoughts — aha moments — that burst into consciousness.” System 2 is about thinking slowly and deliberately. When it comes to creativity, you can use one or the other, or both systems. Cognitive neuroscientist at Georgetown University, Adam Green, PhD , continues, stating that “creativity often involves coordination between the cognitive control network (executive functioning, planning, and problem-solving), and the default mode network (mind-wandering or daydreaming).” According to him, “these two systems are usually antagonistic.” Yet, creativity is an instance where they, in fact, do work well together. Creativity and art are core parts of humanity. There are cave paintings dating back thousands of years, and tools that have withstood the test of time to teach us how humans and civilization evolved. Jonathan Schooler, PhD, observes that “Creativity is at the core of innovation. We rely on innovation for advancing humanity. Creativity underlies so much of what humans value.” I couldn’t agree more. As a creative person, as a writer, a daydreamer, a storyteller, I thrive in creative environments. I look forward to those moments, that can turn into hours, of pure flow where I get lost in the project, where the words feel like they write themselves. It is when I am most at peace and living in joy. So, what happens to those words and those stories when GenAI enters the picture? How Does GenAI Influence Creative Writing? Anil R. Doshi and Oliver P. Hauser conducted a study published in Science.org to learn more about how people are using or would use GenAI in creative pursuits. The study focused on short stories (about eight sentences long) where participants were grouped into three sections. Section 1 was not allowed to use GenAI, section 2 had the option of using GenAI once, and section 3 had the option of using GenAI up to five times. They were only allowed to use AI for ideas. The results? Doshi and Hauser found that “access to generative AI ideas causes stories to be evaluated as more creative, better written, and more enjoyable.” However, this was true “especially among less creative writers.” Moreover, GenAI stories “are more similar to each other than stories by humans alone.” This means that we would see less diversity and innovative storytelling in the creative writing field. We risk “losing collective novelty.” After the conclusion of the study, the evaluators addressed ethical and financial concerns: They imposed an ownership penalty of at least 25% on writers who received generative AI ideas. They indicated that the content creators, on whom the models were based, should be compensated. They indicated that disclosure of the use of AI or the underlying text from AI should be part of publications that use such tools. This is what many writers and authors have been saying from the beginning. Companies should seek permission and consent to use the copyrighted works of authors, and they should be compensated. If you happen to use AI, that should be disclosed in the text. It’s also worth including an AI clause on the copyright page to deter anyone from using your work to train AI models. I did. How Does GenAI Impact Critical Thinking? Lastly, I’m going to examine how critical thinking is impacted by the rise of AI. If it’s anything like its impact on writing, it means there will likely be a decrease in diverse and innovative ideas and skills. Microsoft found that “a user’s task-specific self-confidence and confidence in GenAI are predictive of whether critical thinking is enacted.” Specifically, higher confidence in GenAI is associated with less critical thinking , while higher self-confidence is associated with more critical thinking. Trusting GenAI implicitly has the potential to lower critical thinking skills, a worrying issue given AI’s numerous inaccuracies. This Microsoft study surveyed 319 knowledge workers who reported using AI tools such as ChatGPT and Copilot at least once a week, and the researchers analyzed 936 real-world examples of AI-assisted tasks. They found that “knowledge workers engage in critical thinking primarily to ensure the quality of their work — verifying outputs against external sources.” Despite improvements to task efficiency, AI “can inhibit critical engagement with work and can lead to long-term overreliance on the tool and diminished skill for independent problem solving.” What I find interesting about this is that while the output is quick, it can be inaccurate. I spent a week or more researching and finding credible sources for this series. I had to verify the information before I could write anything. If I’d used AI, I would still have to make sure the information was accurate, it would just take place after the article was written instead of before. AI, I think, poses a risk to accountability in that people are not going to hold themselves accountable for what AI decides to generate. This is worrisome given the current lack of accountability we already see without GenAI. This is further proven through a research study conducted by Smart Learning Environments . Authors Chunpeng Zhai, Santoso Wibowo, and Lily D. Li suggest that using AI “affects [students’] critical cognitive capabilities, including decision-making, critical thinking, and analytical reasoning.” They found that “over-reliance stemming from ethical issues of AI impacts cognitive abilities, as individuals increasingly favour fast and optimal solutions over slow ones constrained by practicality.” As discussed above, this overreliance occurs when “users accept AI-generated recommendations without question,” which leads to “errors in task performance in the context of decision-making.” It’s the difference between implicit confidence in AI versus confidence in yourself to carry out a task effectively. A reliance on AI has the potential to diminish one’s self-esteem. It begs the question: How is someone supposed to feel good and confident about their skills and capabilities if they cannot reliably utilize those skills without the help of AI? Final Thoughts Part of the reason I am against AI, in any form, is that I am a writer. Half of the writing process is about ideation and brainstorming, and playing around with different scenarios. Half the joy I get from writing has nothing to do with actually writing words down on the page and more to do with daydreaming and imagination. To use AI as an idea generator means you’re not using your imagination, and if you’re not using your imagination, it will atrophy, along with your creativity and critical thinking skills. Planning and outlining projects — whether for a podcast episode, a newsletter, or a blog post — with AI actually decreases unique and diverse content. As we’ve seen, we risk losing collective novelty because the AI models are trained using work that’s already completed. There’s no room for play, for the messy first drafts, for the weird experimentation with language and style and voice. The outputs run the risk of becoming decisive, of spitting out the same, overused, content ideas that we already see without it. I will not say that AI has no part in the world or our future. It’s here and it’s here to stay (whether I like it or not). However, I think it’s best used in moderation and by scientists and experts only. I don’t believe the general population needs access to AI or GenAI, not yet, at the very least. It’s too energy-intensive, and it’s too outside any legal process. Until AI is greener and can help us combat climate change, until the future of the planet we all live on is secure, we need to significantly reduce our AI usage. It’s no longer just the big corporations that are contributing to the majority of greenhouse gas emissions, it’s each of us as individuals.
- How Are We Really Training GenAI?
Part 2: Examining Generative AI Photo by fauxels Last time, we covered Generative AI’s carbon footprint and energy usage. This time, I will look at how we train AI and what type of information is used to do so. I’ll also cover the gender and race biases that have arisen in the data. LibGen and Pirated Books As a writer, I was affronted when I found out that Meta had used LibGen, an online library full of pirated books, to train its AI. Victoria Aveyard, a New York Times bestselling author I follow on social media, was interviewed by WBUR after discovering that up to 50 of her works (including translations because she’s only written eight novels) may have been used by Meta without her permission or any compensation. The article continues, stating that “a recent report from The Atlantic found tens of millions of books and research papers on LibGen were downloaded by Meta, without the use of a license, in order to train the tech company’s generative-AI models.” Tens of millions. Books and research papers. This begs the question: what else is being used to train AI? Types of Data Potter Clarkson broke down how AI is trained nicely, so I’ll cite them here. According to Potter Clarkson, there are three types of data used in the process of creating an AI model: Training data — data used to train the AI model Test data — data used to test the model and compare it to other models Validation data — data used to validate the final AI model Training data is either structured or unstructured. Structured data, for example, can be market data shown in tables. Unstructured data includes audio, video, and images. This data can be customer data, sourced internally by organizations, or externally by third parties. These third parties can include “the government, research institutions, and companies for commercial purposes.” Scientific American adds that “Web crawlers and scrapers can easily access data from just about anywhere that is not behind a login page. Social media profiles set to private aren’t included.” What else is included, you ask? Anything posted on Flickr Online marketplaces Voter-registration databases Wikipedia Reddit Research repositories News outlets Academic institutions Pirated content compilations and web archives Customers’ Alexa conversations And more Ben Zhao, a computer scientist at the University of Chicago, points to “one particularly striking example where an artist discovered that a private diagnostic medical image of her was included in the LAION [AI] database.” Additionally, “reporting from Ars Technica confirmed the artist’s account and that the same dataset contained medical-record photographs of thousands of other people as well.” Data Bias Meredith Broussard , a data journalist who researches AI at New York University, brings forward concerns about transparency and data bias. She warns that while there is “wonderful stuff on the internet, there is also extremely toxic material too.” Think white supremacist websites, hate speech, and fake news. She adds, “It’s bias in, bias out.” A research study titled Ethics and discrimination in artificial intelligence-enabled recruitment practices aimed to “address the research gap on algorithmic discrimination caused by AI-enabled recruitment.” They found that “algorithmic bias results in discriminatory hiring practices based on gender, race, colour, and personality traits.” How does this happen? Well, consider how AI is shaped. We, as humans, feed it data, but that data may already be unfair and contain discriminatory, prejudiced, and incomplete information. For example, “In 2014, Amazon developed an ML-based hiring tool, but it exhibited gender bias. The bias stemmed from training the AI system on predominantly male employees’ CVs (Beneduce, 2020 ), thus, the recruitment algorithm perceived this biased model as indicative of success, resulting in discrimination against female applicants (Langenkamp et al., 2019 ).” Furthermore, Tay, Microsoft’s chatbot, learned to produce sexist and racist remarks on Twitter. It did this through “interacting with users on the platform, and absorbing the natural form of human language.” Unfortunately, the chatbot quickly adopted hate speech targeting women and black individuals. Tay was shut down shortly after. Research has also indicated that when machines passively absorb human biases, they can reflect subconscious biases (Fernández and Fernández, 2019 ; Ong, 2019 ). For instance, “searches for names associated with Black individuals were more likely to be accompanied by advertisements featuring arrest records, even when no actual records existed .” Data cannot exist without bias. We may think it can, but we as humans are full of conscious and unconscious biases, so, of course, that is going to end up included in our data. If anything, these findings on AI models cast a stark and rather harsh reality on the state of online human interactions. Final Thoughts No data is safe from training AI. Why? Because everyone is seeking to capitalize on it, including governments and research institutions. Everything from what we post on social media to our medical files is being used to train AI and GenAI. It’s proving the biases we know exist throughout the world, and it’s stealing humanity’s greatest achievement, the one thing that will outlast, and has outlasted, complete ruin: art and creativity. There’s an argument to be made that AI creates “transformative works,” thereby not violating any copyright laws. However, there are two counterarguments to this. One, the underlying work will always be stolen intellectual property. No matter how you frame it, the books, research papers, and data sets are not, in most cases, willingly handed over. In fact, many of these companies are not even asking permission to use other people’s work. Two, when I think of transformative works, I think first of fanfiction. Specifically, fanfiction that has been changed enough from the original work that it can be published as its own entity. My Life With The Walter Boys began as Vampire Diaries fanfiction. The After series by Anna Todd was once One Direction fanfic. If you weren’t aware of this before, you’d be hard pressed to connect some of those dots. However, those fanfictions were still originally written by people. The issue with GenAI is that every word, sentence, or line of dialogue was taken directly from others’ work. Writing is a craft. It’s a skill that can be practiced and honed by reading and analyzing others’ books and stories. By writing and experimenting with different genres, styles, and voices. I wonder how anyone will find their unique writing voice if they are only allowed to choose from existing voices? I tackle this dilemma in the next part of this series, where I’ll examine GenAI’s effect on creativity and critical thinking skills. Stay tuned.
- How Much Energy Does GenAI Really Use?
Part 1: Examining Generative AI Photo by Marcin Jozwiak I am against Generative AI. Let’s make that explicitly clear before we get started. I’ve used Canva’s GenAI once to produce an image when it first released. I had yet to know or understand its ethical or environmental implications (and it didn’t produce what I wanted anyway). Now that that is out of the way, this will be a series of articles on Generative Artificial Intelligence. I’m going to examine environmental and ethical factors as well as it’s impact on critical thinking skills and creativity. This first article is all about GenAI’s impact on the environment. GenAI’s Carbon Footprint If we’re already using digital technology — the internet, phones, tablets, computers, video conferences — daily, what’s the harm in using GenAI? We’re already destroying the planet by using up its natural resources, who cares if it happens even faster (I’m being sarcastic if that wasn’t clear). I’ve heard this argument before (though I’d say it’s more of an excuse). The issue is GenAI isn’t like our other technology. Moreover, it’s growing at a rate no one was prepared for. I want to take a look at our average internet use and how it creates carbon emissions to paint the full picture. How does the internet use natural resources and energy? The internet exists through computer servers hosted in data centers. These centers take up land. The average onsite data center has between 2,000 and 5,000 servers, with a total square footage between 20,000 to 100,000 square feet ( 2024 ). That’s trees being cut down and animal habitats being destroyed. Then, of course, there is the electricity to consider. Electricity is most often made using coal or natural gas, though it can be made using wind, solar, and other greener technologies. These data centers also need to be kept cool to prevent the servers from overheating. This is done through the use of water and air conditioning ( 2023 ). Data centers are effectively flattening nature, using up water, and polluting the air with carbon emissions. There isn’t any natural, finite resource that isn’t affected. Furthermore, Lorena Regattieri, a senior Trustworthy AI fellow at Mozilla Foundation, reminds us of the cost of creating the computers and servers themselves: “The extraction of minerals like lithium, cobalt, and rare earth elements for technology components often occurs in regions with environmental and social concerns.” She adds that “These issues disproportionately impact marginalized communities, particularly in the Global South, where mining operations can harm local ecosystems and communities.” ( 2023 ). That’s the Global South…but what about locally? Purdue University conducted a study that concluded a one-hour Zoom call produces between 150 to 1,000 grams of carbon dioxide. This can be reduced by 96% by going audio-only, but now is a good time to recall the exponential rise in Zoom calls during the COVID-19 pandemic. It’s also worth noting that in 2018 , China, the United States, and India accounted for nearly 70% of the rise in energy demand around the world, with the United States seeing the largest increase in oil and gas demand worldwide. I wonder what that looks like now, five years later? How much energy is GenAI consuming? I don’t have the numbers for this year, but I do have some for 2021–2023 : In 2021, scientists from Google and the University of California at Berkeley estimated the training process alone consumed 1,287 megawatt hours of electricity — enough to power about 120 average U.S. homes for a year — generating about 552 tons of carbon dioxide. The power requirements of data centers in North America increased from 2,688 megawatts at the end of 2022 to 5,341 megawatts at the end of 2023, partly driven by the demands of generative AI. Additionally, a 2023 Scientific American article wrote that, even with the limited data on the carbon footprint of a single GenAI query, some industry professionals estimate it to be four to five times higher than that of a search engine query. Another 2023 article, this one from the Columbia Climate School, stated that the world’s data centers account for 2.5 to 3.7 percent of greenhouse gas emissions, which is greater than even the aviation industry. Text vs Images Now, because I’m autistic and when I get into researching something, I go all in, I also looked into the individual energy consumption of GenAI text versus images. An MIT Technology Review article cited a study that found that generating an image using AI uses as much energy as fully charging a smartphone. On the other hand, they found that generating text, even 1,000 times, is the equivalent of charging a smartphone to only 16%. What I found most interesting was that smaller AI models designed to generate specific tasks used less energy than a larger, more general-use AI model. The interesting part is that OpenAI’s ChatGPT and other powerful AI models are designed to handle every type of query for “convenience.” Why have multiple models to serve different purposes when you can have one model that does everything you need it to? Once again, I see history repeating itself. Companies continue to choose short-term profits over long-term sustainability — and they’re risking the health of the planet to do so. Wrapping Up I work remotely and mostly from home. I use my phone, tablet, and computer every day. This is partly how I make a living, by writing, so I won’t say I’m perfect and that I’m not contributing to the planet’s carbon footprint because that would be a lie. I will say, however, that I can choose not to increase my part in that footprint. I can choose not to make things even worse than they already are. I do this by choosing not to use Generative AI: not as a text generator, or an image generator, or a search engine. That is my informed choice. I have the facts now, I have the research and data to back up my stance on AI, and if you’ve made it to the end of this article, so do you. So, I ask you this: What do you choose? Are you for or against GenAI? A combination of both? Leave a comment below and let’s start a healthy and civil dialogue.
- Selling Fanfic is Illegal: Here’s Why
If you haven’t heard, some people are selling bound fanfiction on Etsy and other fanwork they have no rights to. Here’s the problem with that: it’s illegal. Plain and simple. There’s no grey area or loopholes. Anne Rice and the 2000s I did some digging on the internet and came across this article that discusses the incident in the 2000s with author Anne Rice and her attack on the fandom. Anne Rice made her stance on fanfiction clear: she did not support it, and even sued several individual fanfiction authors. Another article says , “much of the early Anne Rice fanfiction from the 1990s to the late 2000s has vanished off the Internet; that’s because in the 2000s she used her lawyers to get them removed from the Internet. Entire websites and communities vanished.” At the time, she had legal grounds to do this, but ultimately, “Non-Commercially distributed fanfic is seen as legal in the United States as long as it's a transformative work.” Non-Commercially essentially meaning not-for-profit. The minute money passes hands it becomes Commercial and therefore illegal. This is due to intellectual property and copyright laws. Intellectual Property and Copyright Generally, copyright is the exclusive legal right to produce, reproduce, publish or perform an original artistic, literary, musical or dramatic work. An original work includes, but is not limited to: Artistic: photographs, paintings, sculptures Literary: books, computer software, website content Musical: musical notations, musical compositions with lyrics Dramatic: motion picture films, plays, screenplays, scripts Compilations: datasets and spreadsheets, databases In simple terms if you’ve written say Harry Potter or Marvel fanfiction, you are not the original creator/owner of these works and profiting in any way from this fanfiction is breaking copyright laws. Fanfic Author Rights Now, there is an additional aspect to consider. Dr. Betsy Rosenblatt , a law professor teaching intellectual property law at U.C. Davis School of Law says, “Fans own copyright in their own original contributions to a fanwork—they don’t own anything about the underlying work it’s based on, but they do own what they have made." Heidi Tandy, an intellectual property attorney, also states, “if you wrote a story and someone uploaded it to Amazon without your permission, even if they change the names, they're infringing on your copyright.” She goes on to add that, “fanfic writers and fan artists can register their works with the U.S. Copyright Office, or their nation's copyright office.” The above article is focused on the laws in the U.S. However, Canada has the non-commercial user-generated content (UGC) exception to copyright infringement in section 29.21 of the Canadian Copyright Act which allows individuals to use copyright-protected works to create new content for non-commercial purposes. Copyright Duration and the Public Domain The one way to avoid copyright infringement altogether is to use works already in the public domain. In the U.S. and Canada copyright lasts for the life of the author, plus 70 years after the end of that calendar year. In Canada, when this protection ends or expires, the work falls into the public domain and becomes accessible to the public (meaning you have the right to reproduce or republish the work). This is why the Lion King exists as it’s basically just Hamlet fanfiction. The same can be said for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Fanfic Turned Published Novel Additionally I would like to note that if the work has changed enough from the original it can become its own copyrighted work. For example, My Life With the Walter Boys started out as Vampire Diaries fanfiction and it’s clear there is no mistaking one for the other so they can exist as separate entities. The same can be said for After originally being One Direction fanfiction. The new work is so far removed from the original that it couldn’t possibly be mistaken for that original. Ethical Concerns Lastly, there are ethical concerns here. If you’re binding fanfiction, especially fanfiction which you are not the author of, and then profiting from it you’re discrediting not only the original author, but the fanfic author as well. Fanfic authors write in their spare time, they are doing it because they have a passion and love for it, not because they can make money from it. They do not own the copyright of the original work but they have still put time and effort into writing these stories for the public to enjoy and expect absolutely nothing in return. Final Thoughts Fanfiction is free and it must remain free. Binding fanfiction for profit is illegal and discredits the original author and the fanfic author. Rebinding novels for profit is illegal because you don’t own the rights to reproduce or distribute the copyrighted work. Please stop doing this and report anyone you find doing this. If it ever comes to the point where legal issues are brought up and taken to court, these individuals are not going up against people like them, they’re going to be facing large entities and corporations with a team of lawyers. One last time for the people in the back: Fanfiction is free and it must remain free. If you liked this article, please feel free to give it a like, comment, or follow. I greatly appreciate you for reading and supporting my work.
- The Popularity of #BookTok and the Downfall of Age Appropriate Books
If you haven’t heard there’s been a slew of TikToker's working in libraries and bookstores that are more-than-a-little fed up with pre-teen and teen girls reading books far outside their age group. The controversy lies between letting kids read whatever they want to and reading what’s considered ‘age-appropriate.’ One of the common arguments is that when we were young we read books–and fanfics–that were not appropriate at all. The Difference Between Then and Now The distinctive difference, however, is that when we were reading those fanfics on AO3 they had tags, content and trigger warnings, and could be highly filtered to include and exclude what we wanted. Essentially, we knew what we were getting into. We had to search for it, we had to include it in the tags. Was it inappropriate, sure, but we were never going in blind. That’s the difference I want to speak about. We were informed. Many of the young readers now (and their parents) are not. #BookTok Printing content warnings within a novel itself is a relatively new concept, and it’s thanks to the popularity of #BookTok and adult TikToker's sharing the adult books they are reading. The problem arises when young readers are watching these TikTok's and are going to the #BookTok table at their local bookstore and buying these books without fully knowing or understanding the content. We have to remember that TikTok is not an app for children. It is, first and foremost, a social media platform for adults. Facebook and Instagram started out the same way. I remember many of my elementary school classmates lying about their age to create a Facebook account. Yes, kids today are doing the same thing, but social media has grown exponentially since we were young. I’m not saying we never came across inappropriate content, but I think it is much easier to access now, especially accidentally. Now, I’m going to dig into some popular #BookTok novels and the issues they bring to the table. Example #1: A Court of Thorns and Roses Of course, the one and only: ACOTAR. (Disclaimer: I have not read this series, but I know a decent amount given its popularity). A Court of Thorns and Roses (A Court of Thorns and Roses #1), Book by Sarah J. Maas Many readers hear the words: magic, fae, and romance, and think “Excellent, this is right up my alley.” But if you do even a little bit more digging… These are the main genres listed on Goodreads: Fantasy Romance Young Adult Fiction New Adult Fae Fantasy Romance The important things to note here is that Young Adult and New Adult are both listed. Now, I don’t know about you, but these are two very different age groups and genres to list for the same book. It’s the difference between fade-to-black and explicit detail. After Goodreads I headed over to StoryGraph for the content warnings because it’s a built-in feature that is generated by readers. The summary alone includes: Graphic: Violence, Death, Sexual content Moderate: Torture But this is the full list: Graphic Violence (655) Death (518) Sexual content (451) Blood (441) Torture (433) Murder (416) Gore (296) Injury/Injury detail (277) Animal death (194) Confinement (174) Physical abuse (167) Kidnapping (152) Emotional abuse (125) Body horror (119) Sexual assault (113) Vomit (111) Grief (103) Toxic relationship (101) Slavery (99) War (95) Sexual harassment (89) Death of parent (84) Alcohol (82) Classism (50) Suicidal thoughts (41) Gaslighting (41) Sexual violence (40) Cursing (39) Drug use (37) Misogyny (34) Animal cruelty (25) Rape (25) Bullying (22) Genocide (22) Excrement (22) Medical trauma (21) Drug abuse (20) Sexism (20) Abandonment (20) Panic attacks/disorders (18) Xenophobia (18) Child death (16) Fire/Fire injury (16) Forced institutionalization (15) Domestic abuse (14) Mental illness (14) Colonisation (14) Adult/minor relationship (11) Alcoholism (11) Child abuse (11) Medical content (11) Toxic friendship (11) Hate crime (8) Racism (8) Stalking (7) Ableism (6) Body shaming (6) Chronic illness (6) Eating disorder (4) Infidelity (4) Addiction (3) Trafficking (3) Deadnaming (2) Self harm (2) Terminal illness (2) Suicide attempt (2) Cultural appropriation (2) Biphobia (1) Fatphobia (1) Gun violence (1) Homophobia (1) Infertility (1) Pedophilia (1) Racial slurs (1) Police brutality (1) Cannibalism (1) Religious bigotry (1) Pregnancy (1) Lesbophobia (1) Outing (1) Dysphoria (1) Deportation (1) Pandemic/Epidemic (1) Moderate Sexual content (361) Torture (180) Violence (177) Death (142) Blood (140) Murder (121) Sexual assault (113) Vomit (97) Sexual harassment (89) Animal death (88) Gore (85) Slavery (84) Injury/Injury detail (83) Confinement (79) Kidnapping (76) Death of parent (75) Emotional abuse (73) Alcohol (67) Physical abuse (66) War (62) Toxic relationship (48) Grief (45) Body horror (31) Sexual violence (31) Suicidal thoughts (30) Drug use (27) Classism (26) Abandonment (25) Rape (24) Cursing (23) Misogyny (19) Gaslighting (15) Sexism (14) Xenophobia (13) Bullying (11) Panic attacks/disorders (11) Domestic abuse (10) Genocide (9) Fire/Fire injury (9) Ableism (8) Excrement (8) Adult/minor relationship (7) Animal cruelty (7) Mental illness (7) Forced institutionalization (7) Toxic friendship (7) Drug abuse (6) Racism (6) Colonisation (6) Medical content (5) Alcoholism (4) Body shaming (3) Child abuse (3) Child death (3) Chronic illness (3) Hate crime (3) Self harm (3) Terminal illness (3) Religious bigotry (3) Trafficking (2) Medical trauma (2) Stalking (2) Addiction (1) Eating disorder (1) Racial slurs (1) Transphobia (1) Dysphoria (1) Minor Death of parent (119) Vomit (94) Slavery (80) Sexual assault (67) Sexual content (66) Torture (50) War (49) Animal death (48) Sexual harassment (47) Alcohol (40) Cursing (36) Death (34) Suicidal thoughts (34) Confinement (28) Sexual violence (28) Kidnapping (28) Gore (27) Violence (26) Blood (26) Toxic relationship (20) Murder (20) Rape (19) Classism (19) Grief (17) Drug use (16) Genocide (16) Child death (15) Emotional abuse (15) Excrement (14) Physical abuse (13) Fire/Fire injury (13) Injury/Injury detail (13) Domestic abuse (11) Abandonment (11) Sexism (10) Infidelity (8) Misogyny (8) Bullying (7) Body horror (6) Body shaming (5) Panic attacks/disorders (5) Xenophobia (5) Gaslighting (5) Ableism (4) Animal cruelty (4) Racism (4) Chronic illness (3) Drug abuse (3) Child abuse (2) Hate crime (2) Self harm (2) Suicide (2) Medical content (2) Religious bigotry (2) Toxic friendship (2) Colonisation (2) Adult/minor relationship (1) Mental illness (1) Racial slurs (1) Terminal illness (1) Forced institutionalization (1) Medical trauma (1) Stalking (1) In the Graphic section alone we have: Violence Sexual content Torture Murder Abuse Kidnapping Sexual assault Self harm Suicidal thoughts Suicide attempt Adult/minor relationship Pedophilia Stalking Trafficking Police brutality Do the 10-13 year old children know about any of this when they pick up the series? If they do know, are they equipped to handle the content? The trauma the characters endure? Example #2 The Spanish Love Deception The Spanish Love Deception, Book by Elena Armas A young teen I know picked up this book because all her friends had read it. I recognized it immediately and knew this girl had no knowledge of what this book actually included. From Goodreads again, the genres: Contemporary Adult Chick Lit New Adult Adult Fiction Young Adult Contemporary Romance What is with listing Young Adult and New Adult for the same book. They are two different genres for a reason. If they were the same thing and meant for the same age group there would only be one designation. Some Research An HBR article titled, Why Your Brain Loves Good Storytelling , states that, “If the story is able to create tension then it is likely that attentive viewers/listeners will come to share the emotions of the characters in it, and after it ends, likely to continue mimicking the feelings and behaviors of those characters.” Another article titled, How Stories Change the Brain , also states that, “We watch a flickering image that we know is fictional, but evolutionarily old parts of our brain simulate the emotions we intuit…and we begin to feel those emotions, too.” From listening to Dear Hollywood , a podcast hosted by Alyson Stoner, I learned that children often can’t tell the difference between fact and fiction until the age of 6. In Tom Felton’s memoir Beyond the Wand, he speaks of a woman that told him to “be nicer to Harry Potter,” as if Tom was really Draco Malfoy. Taking all of this information together we can conclude that while young children can’t tell the difference between fact and fiction, older children to adults can also struggle with this when our empathy is involved as we often come to share the emotions of fictional characters. My question is that, while this connection allows up to grow our empathy, how does it affect us when the characters are experiencing trauma, intense fear, or brutality? Do we also take on those emotions as our own? Reflecting on My Experiences High School While writing this, it reminded me of my Grade 11 English teacher. She was a young mother and saw us, her 16-17 year old students, in a similar way. We were kids in her eyes. She was astonished that any of us knew about Fifty Shades of Grey or had watched Game of Thrones. She also skipped the sexual assault scene when we were reading and watching A Streetcar Name Desire . I still disagree with that decision. It’s something we very much should have talked about. We discussed the suicide that happens in the beginning, the grief and mourning, the physical abuse, alcoholism, etc. My teacher decided all of that was appropriate to discuss, but not the sexual assault. I still wonder why. Adulthood Back to content warnings, even as an adult now, I wished I paid more attention to the warnings for The Poppy War . I even think there should be a page in the beginning of the book or just before Chapter 21 with a list of warnings. I did read it, and it took some time to process, and I wished I’d known the content warnings beforehand so I didn’t have to go in blind. There is no foreshadowing that the book will include this level of detail and trauma. Every other chapter leading up to it and afterwards isn’t anywhere near as intense. And I know I'm not the only one to think this because after finishing the book and reading reviews we were all struck by Chapter 21. Making Informed Decisions My solution is a simple one, but it takes parents and children getting involved. I noted above that the key difference between reading fanfic and ‘spicy’ novels is that fanfic has content and trigger warnings attached in the summary. It’s also one of the reasons why I prefer StoryGraph over Goodreads. Until I started reading fanfic I never thought to look at content warnings. I didn’t even know they existed and that I should check them. I was a young teen, what did I know? Listing the content warnings does not take away from the book. It doesn’t give away the plot or the twists, or any character development, and it doesn’t determine if a reader will enjoy it or not. It determines, simply, if the reader is ok or not ok with reading the content. For example, I cannot stand the pregnancy trope. I do not want to read a book where the main character (or any character really) ends up pregnant halfway through the novel. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Knowing this about myself and having access to content warnings via StoryGraph I can make informed decisions about the books I read or do not read. This is all I want young readers to know. For Children I want them to be informed. I want their parents to be informed. I want it to become common to list content warnings in the book itself, the same way we would attach tags in the summary for a fic. If young readers want to read ACOTAR or other popular adult #BookTok books, that’s fine. I am not about to censor or stop anyone from reading what they want to read. However, I think readers of any age should be aware of the content of the books, because maybe if they knew, they wouldn’t want to read it. Or they still would. Either way, they would know, they wouldn’t be going in blind, they wouldn’t be happening upon something they weren’t prepared for. For Parents As for parents, I think it’s important to open up a dialogue when it comes to reading. I know of a mother on TikTok who is letting her four year old read Percy Jackson. Totally fine. Even better, she lets her son know that if he doesn’t know a word, doesn’t understand, or is concerned about something in the book, he can come and talk about it with her. Is Percy Jackson age appropriate for a four year old. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it depends more on the involvement of the parents who are willing to explain and help the child process the content that is above their understanding and experience.
- What's The Hardest Part of Unmasking? Remembering.
For many late-identified autistic individuals, we began masking at such young ages that it altered our ability to remember our own experiences. As well, many learned to dissociate as a coping mechanism, which further affects our memory and can have long-term effects such as difficulty focusing, gaps in our memory or amnesia, emotional numbing, and so on. Can the average person remember early childhood memories? No, not always. But it goes much deeper for us Autistics. Why? Because most of us weren’t allowed to be our authentic selves growing up, let alone allowed to figure out who that was in the first place. I've told this story before, but I'll tell it again. I remember consciously masking by the first grade. I would have been five years old, six max, given I have a December birthday. I looked lost in thought, zoned out from the math problem we were working on, so the student teacher recommended a "thinking" face. Apparently, there's an expression you can make that lets those around you understand you're just thinking. I thought it was ridiculous. But think about it. I was five years old. Five. Someone was already commenting on my lack of facial expressions and offered a fix, a solution to my problem. I wasn't aware enough to notice this myself, but I was aware enough to think that this sounds important and I should change this because it's wrong and I don’t want to be wrong. I remember spinning in office chairs or clicking my tongue and my mother telling me to stop. I remember eating foods in a particular way, I had a step-by-step process, and overhearing adults in my life commented how weird it was, so I stopped that too. I know there's likely a lot I don't remember and never will. I know this because when I was working on getting a diagnosis and falling down the research rabbit hole, I didn't believe I stimmed. Like at all. I thought it was the one criterion I didn’t fit and never would. But when I started unmasking, I began remembering the things above, the behaviours I'd intentionally stopped myself from doing to appear normal. How many more have I forgotten completely? Now, it wasn't all bad. I didn't have to hide every autistic trait as a child. My mother and I were a lot alike, you see, we both enjoyed math and working with numbers, organizing things like our movie collection, making lists, straightening photos on walls, shutting cupboard doors because who leaves them open an inch and just walks away. Some of my behaviours were never problematic because they were normalized in my family. I highly suspect my mother was on the spectrum and likely a majority of that side of the family as well. Unmasking is a slow, ongoing process, a sort of journey all its own. To unmask is to tap into my mind and body in a way I never have before. But I'm working on it. I'm learning to listen to my body and what it needs. I'm learning to recognize when I'm tired and it's time to slow down or take a break. I'm learning that I need to wear earplugs when I go grocery shopping or I will become overwhelmed and overstimulated. I'm learning to accommodate myself without feeling ashamed or guilty. I'm also realizing there are things I do that I don't know I'm doing. Apparently, I blink frequently when I'm nervous and the rare occasion I have to give a presentation I start to mumble and speak much more quietly than I think I am. These behaviours are things that others can notice and talk to you about. We can only be so self-aware. We can only know what we know. We can only remember what we remember. And that's ok.
- 2 lbs: A Story of Survival and Deeper Meaning
Ever seen a 2 pound newborn baby? Well, now you can say you have. Whenever I start to wonder “what’s the point” or I lose sight of why I’m here and what am I even supposed to be doing? I think back to the day I was born. Of course, it took me until adulthood to realize the significance of this event. I grew up being told and telling this story to basically anyone that would listen, but its importance, why it shocked so many people, that understanding didn’t come until later. See, I’m a twin. My sister and I were born three months premature, at about 26 weeks (in December, mind you). We were two pounds each, give or take an ounce. Our waist was about as big around (small?) as a beer bottle. You could fit us in the palm of your hands, excluding limbs. The smallest diaper in existence was still too big. I was born first and rushed off to urgent care. My sister was born breech (feet first). There are 8 minutes between us because the doctor’s tried and failed to turn her around. She was purple because she couldn’t breathe. We spent those three remaining months that were supposed to be in the womb, in the NICU, tangled up with tubes and our parents unable to touch us with their bare hands. If my sister had been born first, neither of us would have made it. We were given caffeine to keep our brains alert so we could remember to breathe. If anything went wrong over those next three months, the chances of survival were slim. I mean, we were two pounds! That’s lighter than most laptops. Thankfully, my mother was, well…my mother. When she learned the nurses had returned to feeding us through tubes instead of by bottle because it was easier, she requested a cot and stayed with us for the next few weeks in the hospital. At 5 pounds we could go home, but after three months we were still just under that goal. My mother argued with the doctor until she could take us home that day anyway. There are only two main hospitals in my city. I can’t enter either without a nurse that took care of us when we were born, recognizing us, even after all these years. So, whenever I have that nagging feeling of “why am I here,” I remember that I’m supposed to be. I remember that I don’t have to do anything special or extraordinary, that it’s ok I just exist. Because the day I was born could have very well been the day I died. A little morbid, sure, but it serves as an important reminder to me. One I think others could benefit from. You are here because you are supposed to be here. You are alive because you are supposed to be alive. You are enough. Exactly as you are.
- A Comprehensive Guide to The StoryGraph App
A reader-centered book-tracking app, who knew? StoryGraph Home Page Table of Contents About The StoryGraph Signing-Up + Your Profile Importing from Goodreads Reading Preferences Recommendations All About the Books A Book Page Main Book Information Community Reviews Content Warnings Organizing Your Books To Read vs. Read Owned vs. Buy Editions Ratings Tags Adding and Tracking Books Changing the Status of a Book Tracking Books Adding a New Book to the Database Filtering Books Up-Next List Home Page Explore Stats Contents Challenges Community Giveaways Plus Features Roadmap Final Thoughts Tired of Amazon’s Goodreads? Getting the ick from Fable? Thinking about trying The StoryGraph, but worried about learning an entirely new app? I’ve got you. With so many new users signing up each year I figured I might as well put together a guide that is as comprehensive as possible. A one-stop blog to learn about StoryGraph’s interface and features. A few years ago I wrote a blog post on why I switched from Goodreads to StoryGraph . That post highlights why I originally switched, but this post will be a long (but hopefully not too long) guide on how to use StoryGraph to track your reading. About The StoryGraph The StoryGraph’s slogan is “Because life’s too short for a book you’re not in the mood for.” I’ve realized, as I’ve been reading more and more, I am definitely a mood reader. If I’m not in the mood for a specific genre or type of book, I can’t read it, I can’t get into it. So, it’s either a DNF or it sits on the shelf, waiting for me to be in just the right mood . Thanks to StoryGraph, I now have access to a community of book friends who feel the same way. The StoryGraph is run by Nadia Odunayo, who is the founder and CEO. She is the sole software developer for the entire app and website. Rob Frelow is the Co-founder & Chief AI Officer. He manages StoryGraph’s infrastructure. There is also Abbie Walker who works covers Admin, Support, & Product. StoryGraph went viral a few years ago and every January since then they’ve seen a surge in users. The Play Store app currently sits at number two when I search ‘book tracker.’ It has over one million downloads and a rating of 4.6 stars. Goodreads sits in third place with 2.7 stars (and over 10 million users). What drew so many people to this app is that is it co-woman-owned, black-owned, and a brilliant alternative to Amazon’s Goodreads. What drew me in, personally, were the modern user interface and design. Goodread’s beige, brown, and green buttons just weren’t doing it for me. StoryGraph’s simple black, white, and blue with a rainbow of other colours to display the stats keeps things visually clean and bright. Signing-Up + Your Profile Once you’ve downloaded the app or visited the website , you’ll use an email to sign up, and then create a username and password. Visit your profile by clicking on the person circle icon (henceforth known as the profile icon) in the bottom right (app) or top right (desktop). Click the pen icon next to your username to edit your profile. Here you can edit all the typical account settings: profile picture, email, username, bio (maximum 160 characters), privacy settings, and password. Once on the profile page select the pen icon next to your username to edit. You can also import your shelves and reviews from Goodreads. Importing from Goodreads Once you’ve scrolled down the same profile settings page, you’ll see a heading titled: Goodreads Import. Simply press the button that says Import Goodreads Library and follow the instructions. In your profile settings, scroll down until you find the Goodreads Import section. This can be done on mobile, but it does require selecting a CSV file (an Excel file) from your phone’s downloads or documents once you’ve exported your data from Goodreads to then be imported to StoryGraph. I did this several years ago on an Android phone and it took less than five minutes. Reading Preferences One of my favourite features that StoryGraph provides is the ability to set reading preferences to tailor your recommendations. You can find this information in a few ways: By clicking on the profile icon and selecting Preferences from the drop-down menu and scrolling down (desktop). By clicking on your profile, scrolling down, and finding the correct button (desktop and app). Selecting the three bars from the top-right corner and selecting preferences from the drop-down menu (app). As for the preferences themselves, you can edit any category at any time: Favorite genres The kind of books you like to read Preferred characteristics Disliked genres Disliked characteristics Disliked moods I love that you can set the genres, characteristics, and moods you like and dislike . I’ve never seen that on an app before. It very much has the user in mind because of course there aren’t just books we like, there are books we don’t like and want to avoid. Recommendations Scroll down on the Preferences page to find your Recommendations. From this same page, you can also click over to Recommendations and it’ll give you several lists based on your preferences including one that is “out of your comfort zone….” All About the Books A Book Page Main Book Information When you click on a book you’ll see the standard information: Cover Title Series name (if applicable) Author(s) Page number and original publication year Pre-set tags* Description *The pre-set tags are uneditable and include the book’s genre and basic descriptors such as fantasy and lighthearted. This is what a standard book page will look like on desktop. Community Reviews You’ll also find the Community Reviews here with a breakdown of moods, pace, and more. Another feature I appreciate on StoryGraph is the ability to leave an easy review with structured questions and simple drop-down menus. For example, “Is the book mainly plot or character-driven?” or “Is there strong character development?” It makes leaving a review much easier as there’s no pressure to leave a written review and it assists in informing other users of key features. Content Warnings Lastly, you’ll find a section labeled Content Warnings which are “submitted by users as part of their reviews.” You can click for a summary of the Graphic, Moderate, and Minor warnings or view the full list. If you’re an author of the book you can add author-approved warnings by emailing StoryGraph. Organizing Your Books There are a few ways to organize your books in the app. To Read vs. Read First, there are the usual: To Read Currently Reading Read Did Not Finish Remove Book StoryGraph recently added a Paused feature. This is for the library books, the not-in-the-mood-right-now books, and the too-long-need-a-break books. You can now mark these books as Paused. This also keeps the “Average length of time to read a book” stat from skewing one way or another. Owned vs. Buy Next, you can mark a book as Owned or not. It’s located next to the Buy button under the status bar (desktop) or by clicking the three vertical dots next to the status bar (app). Between the books I own and the ones my sister does that I want to read, my owned books sit at 215. Track your reading, mark as finished, and view your journal entries here. Editions StoryGraph has an Editions feature that allows you to select the specific format of the book. This includes: paperback, hardcover, digital, or audio (on the preferences page you can select one of these as the default format). Ratings Thirdly, you can leave a star rating for each book. One star means you didn’t like the book and five means you loved it. However, you can also set quarter, half, and three-quarter ratings. Loved a book, but it was just missing something and would otherwise be a five-star, well you can rate it 4.5 stars or 4.75 stars if that suits you better. Tags Lastly, there are the Tags. To my knowledge, there is no limit to the number of tags you can have. You add a tag by typing it into the tag bar, which will appear after you’ve clicked the grey pencil icon next to the pre-set tags, and then pressing enter. You’ll know a tag has been added when it becomes clickable with a border around the name and an X on the leftmost side. Make sure to click the Update button afterwards. Adding and Tracking Books Changing the Status of a Book As mentioned above, each book has a status bar. A book’s default status is To Read. After a book is added to the To Read pile, you can then move it to Read, Currently Reading, Did Not Finish, or Remove Book. Tracking Books By selecting Currently Reading a Track Progress button will appear. Once you’ve clicked on that you can track your reading progress by page or percentage. If you’re listening to an audiobook you can track using minutes. You can also add notes and edit the dates you’ve read a book. On a desktop, this feature is located below the status bar where you can Mark As Finished or View Journal Entries. On the app to find these features you must select the three vertical dots next to the status bar of a book first. Adding a New Book to the Database Occasionally, you’ll try to search for a book and it won’t be in the StoryGraph database. This usually happens when the book is either quite old, super niche, or brand new. You can add it manually or through the ISBN. Take my poetry book, tomorrows, as an example. I had to manually add it to the database so, I supplied the: Cover Title Author(s) Publisher (in this case it was independently published) Date of Publication Blurb Language Format Genre(s) Number of pages ISBN StoryGraph will send you an in-app notification once the book has been added. Filtering Books If you go to any book list whether that’s you’re To-Read pile or Owned Books or Giveaways, you can filter that list quite extensively. You can filter by: Mood (including by ‘any’ or ‘all’ of the selected moods) Pace Type Genres (Include ‘any’ or ‘all’, and Exclude) Tags (Include ‘any’ or ‘all’, and Exclude) Pages Format Original Publication Year (From, To) Only Show Me Books…(Own, Don’t Own, Aren’t Part of a Series) Up-Next List To view your Up-Next list go to your To-Real pile. If you don’t have any books added yet, that’s fine, you can simply scroll and add up to five books. If you’re on a desktop the button is readily in sight, if you’re on mobile you have to click the three vertical dots first. Keep in mind you don’t have to be on this specific list to add a book to your Up-Next, this is just where you’ll be able to view it. Home Page This is what your home page will look like. From the Home page, you’ll get a view of your reading streak (which you can turn on and off in Preferences), what you’re currently reading, To-Read Pile and Recommendations lists, along with Popular This Week and Giveaways lists. I’ll explain each main menu item below. Explore This is a simple page to scroll and browse books endlessly. Stats Your Stats page can be filtered for: Read Books To-Read Pile DNF Books Owned Books The Stats page on mobile. In addition, the Read Books can viewed by year and/or month. This means I can specifically look at my stats for January 2025, all of 2024, or just April 2023. If you’ve turned Streak tracking on, this is also where you’ll find those specific stats. You’ll also be able to generate monthly and yearly wrap-up graphics to share on social media or just to save for yourself. Contents The Stats graphs on mobile. The contents drop-down menu is a quick way to move directly to a specific chart without scrolling down for it. The stats and graphs appear as follows: Books and Pages Read Average Time to Finish Moods Pace Page Number Fiction/Nonfiction Genres Tags Format Most Read Authors Languages Number of Books and Pages Number of Star Ratings Average Rating Challenges The Challenges page allows you to view, set, and edit your goals. There are three types of main goals to choose from: Reading Goal Pages Goal Hours Goal The Challenges page on desktop. You can also view your previous years’ challenges by clicking the Archive button. If you click the Browse button to the left of it you’ll be led to the Challenge Directory. The Challenge Directory contains reading challenges created by StoryGraph itself and user-generated ones you are free to join at any time. Community Your Community page is divided into five tabs: News Feed Buddy Reads Readalongs Book Clubs Similar Users Your News Feed will contain your updates as well as your friends’ updates. These posts include adding a book to your next-up list, leaving a book review, and when you’ve started reading a book. This feature is still in its infancy, really, and StoryGraph has expansion plans in the Roadmap. Until then, feel free to send a friend/follow request by typing my username into the search bar in the News Feed and clicking Add Friend or Follow. My username is: @brittany_notolux. Giveaways Like Goodreads, you can enter Giveaways by selecting any book from the list, or by using the filter feature to refine the books that are shown. Most Giveaways are only available in the United States, but each book will tell you how many copies are available, the format, and eligible countries. Plus Features Since I don’t personally have Plus, I can’t say much about it yet, but it is only USD 4.99 a month with a 30-day free trial. Here are some of the perks: Invest in a Goodreads alternative not owned by Amazon Custom Charts Extra Stats Filters Compare Stats Exclusive Charts Shape the Roadmap Priority Support Roadmap The StoryGraph publicly shares its entire roadmap including features, bugs, and requests or ideas. They also share: Up Next In Progress Shipped Medium-Term Long-Term Ideas The StoryGraph Roadmap. I think this is an amazing system to share with users because the entire app becomes collaborative. Actual users get a say in updates and features they’d like to see in the future. You can view every recent update through the Changelog , which tracks what’s new, improved, and fixed. Final Thoughts If you think I’m missing something here, or if any part is confusing, please feel free to leave a comment below and I’ll do my best to clarify. Otherwise, you can tag The StoryGraph on any of their social media and they’re usually quite quick to reply.
- Autism: Resources Master List
Since it can be so hard to find decent resources on Autism in adults, especially adult women, I thought I’d create a master list of helpful links. *If you know of any resources that you think should be added to this list please email me at brittany@notolux.ca or contact me via my website www.notolux.ca . Table of Contents Articles and Blogs My Posts on Autism General Articles Autism and Trauma Unmasking Autism Women with Autism Employment and Autism Education and Autism Mental Health and Autism Autistic Children Books TedTalks and Videos People and Organizations Podcasts Formal Diagnosis Resources Autism Research Articles & Blogs My Posts on Autism All About Autism | NOTOLUX General Articles Super Powers & Kryptonites Autism in Adults Autism & Empathy Introducing: the Pseudotypical Touch Sensitivities Autism’s sex ratio, explained Sex differences in autism spectrum disorders New research explains autistic’s exceptional visual abilities [Autistic’s] concentrate more brain resources in the areas associated with visual detection and identification, and conversely, have less activity in the areas used to plan and control thoughts and actions. Heightened sensory perceptions Our rods and cones are different. 85% of us see colours with greater intensity than neurotypicals, with red appearing nearly fluorescent; 10% saw red as neurotypical children do, and 5% saw muted colours. Why 'Neurodiversity' and 'Neurodivergence' Shouldn't Be Used Interchangeably "Humans, as a species, are neurodiverse because no two people’s minds and brains are the same. But if you mean that your brain [or] mind doesn’t function in a way that’s considered 'normal,' then... that means you’re 'neurodivergent,'" notes Cara Liebowitz, a multiply-disabled activist and writer. Synaptic Growth, Synesthesia & Savant Abilities In autistic individuals this synaptic pruning process happens to a far lesser degree, meaning a lot of these “redundant” connections remain intact. Autism and Trauma Autistic Adults May Be Erroneously Perceived as Deceptive and Lacking Credibility Autism and PTSD Are Vulnerably Linked The research demonstrates that even mild stressors, which typically wouldn’t affect others, can trigger PTSD in those with autism, exacerbating core autistic traits like repetitive behavior. Autism combined with high IQ increases risk of suicidal thoughts At the intersection of autism and trauma Clinicians suspect that the condition increases the risk for certain kinds of trauma, such as bullying and other forms of abuse. Yet few studies have investigated that possibility or the psychological aftermath of such trauma, including PTSD. America’s Most Popular Autism Therapy May Not Work — and May Seriously Harm Patients’ Mental Health (*Mentions Autism Speaks) As neurodivergent adults have moved into the ranks of academic and independent researchers, some have begun compiling evidence that ABA subjects are more likely than other autists to suffer from PTSD and other serious mental health problems. A hopefully helpful excerpt from Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, pages 72–75: “When it comes to mental illness and disability, diagnostic categories are really flawed things. A disorder is a cluster of symptoms and traits that tend to go together, but don’t always, and the way those clusters get organized tends to change over time….Often a person exists somewhere on a spectrum between multiples disorders, or have a unique combination of traits from multiple conditions.” “People with post-traumatic stress disorder, for example, can look very similar to Autistic people. PTSD sufferers tend to be afraid of large crowds, are easily rattled by loud noises, and become more reserved when placed in hard-to-read situations. PTSD-fueled hypervigilance can look a lot like masking: you’re constantly scanning your environment for threats, and modulating how you present yourself, so you can stay safe. To complicate matters, many Autistic people experience trauma at a young age, and have PTSD symptoms from that.” “For all these reasons, it’s not always possible (or helpful) to try to untangle which of a person’s traits are Autistic and which are caused by the trauma of being neurodiverse in a neurotypical world. Daan is a forty-year-old man living in the Netherlands, and in addition to being Autistic, he was abused by both his parents. He tells me his diagnosis of complex PTSD effectively masked his neurodivergence for many, many years.” Unmasking Autism Shifting my Unmasking from Revealing to Unearthing Women with Autism The Art of Masking: Autistic Women who Mask Females And Autism/Aspergers: A Checklist Autism in Women 5 Things I Wish People Understood About Autism How Finding Out I’m Autistic Helped Me Learn To Love Myself Autism Spectrum Diagnosis Helped Comic Hannah Gadsby ‘Be Kinder’ To Herself Employment and Autism Neurodiversity as a Competitive Advantage Activist Business Leaders Leading The Way In Flipping The Neurodiversity Narrative ‘Autism advantage’ to neurodiverse employees Neurodiversity in the Workplace How to Support Neurodiversity in the Workplace How Neurodiverse Employees Move Your Business Forward How Neurodiversity in the workplace can benefit business Considering Neurodiversity It’s time for the data and marketing industry to embrace neurodiversity The Success Spectrum: Neurodiversity In The Workplace Education and Autism STEM Resource List for Neurodivergent Kids (*From BitIRA) Mental Health and Autism Mental Health, Drugwatch and ADHD, Drugwatch (*from Drugwatch) Autistic Children Autistic Children and Developmental Milestones A Guide to Dental Care for Children with Autism (*From Byte. I think this article is very informative and could be helpful for children and adults) Autistic brains create more information at rest, study show New research finds that the brains of autistic children generate more information at rest — a 42 percent increase on average. The study offers a scientific explanation for the most typical characteristic of autism — withdrawal into one’s own inner world. Books Autistic Book Recs The Autism Books By Autistic Authors Project Interior Design for Autism from Childhood to Adolescence TedTalks & Videos How Autism Freed Me To Be Myself | Rosie King “People tend to diagnose autism with really specific check-box descriptions, but in reality, it’s a whole variation as to what we’re like.” Invisible Diversity: A Story Of Undiagnosed Autism | Carrie Beckwith-Fellows “Everyone in this room has a unique voice — something about you that is different from others. And I want you to take a moment to think about what that difference is.” Women and Autism. Towards a Better Understanding | Sarai Pahla “I’m going to start my talk today by telling all of you that my biggest fear is that I will never be loved for who I am in a romantic relationship.” “Copy & Paste’ — Hidden Asperger’s — Girls with Aspergers | Niamh McCann “But it wasn’t me who had failed the test. It was the test that had failed me. And there are women in their thirties, forties, fifties, and even older, who are only just getting diagnosed now.” Autism — What We Know (And What We Don’t Know Yet) | Wendy Chun g “Why? Why is a question that parents ask me all the time. Why did my child develop autism? As a pediatrician, as a geneticist, as a researcher, we try and address that question.” How I Learned To Communicate My Inner Life With Asperger’s | Alix Generous Warning: sexual assault “I transferred to a new treatment center that understood my aversions, my trauma, and my social anxiety, and they knew how to treat it, and I got the help I finally needed. And after 18 months of hard work, I went on to do incredible things.” What It’s Really Like To Have Autism | Ethan Lisi “The main problem with living autistic in today’s society is that the world just isn’t built for us. There’s so many ways that we can get overwhelmed." What I’ve Learned From My Autistic Brothers | Faith Jegede Cole “Normality overlooks the beauty that differences give us, and the fact that we are different doesn’t mean that one of us is wrong. It just means that there’s a different kind of right.” The World Needs All Kinds Of Minds | Temple Grandin “I want to talk to you now about different ways of thinking. You have to get away from verbal language. I think in pictures. I don’t think in language. Now, the thing about the autistic mind is it attention to details.” Camouflaging in Autistic Women | Christine Wu Nordahl, Ph.D. Warnings: discusses suicide, mental health issues, uses some outdated autism terms “I think it’s very important to think about the subjective experiences, what are the lived experiences of people, listen to people with autism.” Behind the Mask: Autism for Women and Girls | Kate Kahle | TEDxAustinCollege “Women are better at masking because society expects more from us and it doesn’t make as many allowances for us.” Why Everything You Know About Autism is Wrong | Jac den Houting | TEDxMacquarieUniversity “Disability is something that’s being done to me. I’m actively being ‘dis-abled’ by the society around me.” Compliance is Not the Goal: Letting Go of Control and Rethinking Support for Autistic Individuals Instead of trying to control the behaviors of individuals with autism to make them indistinguishable from the general public, Amy Laurent, PhD, OTR/L suggests a positive shift in focus that supports the development of their emotional skills. People & Organizations People Kendra DePinto - The Accessible Chef Margaux Wosk - Retrophiliac Organizations Autism Canada ND Renegade & their blog Embrace Autism Spectrum News Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network ADDitude Spoony Podcasts Shows Spoony - No Spoons to Give Beyond 6 Seconds Thinkydoers (career-focused support for people who are “wired differently Formal Diagnosis Resources Embrace Autism Assessment Why I Chose Not To Get A Formal Autism Diagnosis Am I Autistic? A Guide to Diagnosis for Adults ICD-11 6A02 Autism Spectrum Disorder Autism Research Introducing critical autism studies (CAS) from Anglophone research Research acknowledging the precarious situations and oppressions lived by disabled people who are living with sensory, physical and cognitive impairments. Autism, Inc.: The Autism Industrial Complex Double empathy, explained Monotropism, Autism Explained In nonscientific terms, we understand this phenomenon as the localized, intense attention we give to one, or a few, specific interests at a time. When this occurs, all other information in our environment does not reach our minds.
- The Invisible Life of the Unidentified Autistic Girl
Autism in Heels by Jennifer Cook O’Toole Book Review Photo by Author This year I want to read more books about the autistic experience. I’ve only read a handful so far, but thanks to Hoopla, Libby, and my local library I can actually check some more books off my masterlist of recommendations. For January, I read Autism in Heels . It was one of the first books I sought to buy and read, but despite Indigo saying they had a copy in stock, it was not where it was supposed to be in store and I had to leave without it. The upside is, I am glad I didn’t find the book that day when I was so newly diagnosed. I think I read Autism in Heels at just the right time in my life when I could process the contents already equipped with 4(ish) years of an understanding of myself and autism. So, what’s this book actually about…? Summary Autism in Heels, an intimate memoir, reveals the woman inside one of autism’s most prominent figures, Jennifer O’Toole. At the age of thirty-five, Jennifer was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, and for the first time in her life, things made sense. Now, Jennifer exposes the constant struggle between a carefully crafted persona and authentic existence, editing the autism script with wit, candor, passion, and power. Her journey is one of reverse self-discovery not only as an Aspie but–more importantly–as a thoroughly modern woman. Whether it’s bad perms or body image, sexuality or self-esteem, Jennifer’s is as much a human journey as one on the spectrum. Because autism “looks a bit different in pink,” most girls and women who fit the profile are not identified, facing years of avoidable anxiety, eating disorders, volatile relationships, self-harm, and stunted independence. Jennifer has been there, too. Autism in Heels takes that message to the mainstream. ( The StoryGraph ) Content Warnings While the book contains warnings before the specific chapters (Ch. 8 and 9) that require them, please be aware that this book does contain depictions of eating disorders and abuse. You can skip these chapters if you choose to read the book. See the full list of content warnings on The Storygraph . You’ve Met One Autistic Person My initial thought while reading this was, “This is a memoir of one autistic person.” While I definitely related to some aspects of O’Toole’s experience, I did not resonate with it all. As the saying goes, “If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.” Autism is considered a spectrum disorder and where each autistic person’s traits fall on that spectrum determines only that they are autistic. We are as unique as the rest of the world’s population, we just happen to have some things in common. For example, a propensity to avoid eye contact. In some cases, however, this manifests as making too much eye contact or finding loopholes by staring at a person’s eyebrows or the space between their eyes. Western society, generally, values eye contact which is why it’s so noticeable when it comes to not making eye contact. Masking and Gender Norms Due to this societal expectation, autistics will sometimes do their best to mimic these expectations and neurotypical standards to try to fit in. This is called masking and/or camouflaging. It is much more common among autistic girls and women. I believe this is, at least partially, due to the gender norms embedded in society. Girls face more pressure to fit in with their peers, obey authority figures, and demonstrate emotional maturity at a younger age than boys. An article from Planned Parenthood says, “Girls and women are generally expected to dress in typically feminine ways and be polite, accommodating, and nurturing. [Boys and] men are generally expected to be strong, aggressive, and bold.” Asking a million questions, avoiding eye contact, having an innate preference for affective/emotional empathy over cognitive empathy, and generally being uncomfortable comforting others and being touched…well, to put it nicely being an autistic girl is challenging . I remember as early as 1st grade (about 5–6 years old) already trying to conform to both spoken and unspoken social rules. While O’Toole masked her way through social challenges by being extroverted, I became the “shy” girl. Out of fear of saying the wrong thing I chose not to say anything at all. I had friends if only for the fact that I attended the same small school from kindergarten to eighth grade (and when I say small, I mean small. We were a graduating class of 16, about half of which were girls). Academic Excellence High school posed a different challenge altogether. It was louder, there were more students and more crowds, and I was shuffling from classroom to classroom all day. It was a routine, but it was a stress-filled routine. I was constantly overstimulated which only contributed further to my quiet nature. While O’Toole continued to put herself out there taking theatre and drama classes and becoming an actor, I (mostly) enjoyed my solitude. Friendships meant expending more energy I already didn’t have so I just didn’t have any. Instead, I focused on school: the projects, the tests, the homework, the deadlines. I wasn’t a straight-A student, but I was pretty damn close. I loved math the most. I liked solving problems, finding satisfying answers, I liked the reliability of facts. There was one specific equation to use to find one specific answer. I couldn’t go wrong. Screenshot from The StoryGraph The Friendships I Did Have The key thing I learned from Autism in Heels that I didn’t know before was that it’s common for autistic’s to form relationships with either older or younger individuals rather than direct peers. The social hierarchy is clearer. If O’Toole interacted with people younger than her she was automatically the one “in charge,” if she interacted with anyone older she became “the apprentice.” She could listen and learn from these people and/or easily talk their ears off because it’s more acceptable for an adult to let a child go off on a tangent and not expect any reciprocal conversation. I also experienced this. I more readily wanted to hang out with my peer’s parents than my actual peers. People my age were boring, interested in things I wasn’t, and more often than not treated me as the younger, little-er friend because I’m quite petite. The reality was I had lots to express and thoughts I wanted to share, often about deeper topics than my peers cared for, but their parents or other adults within my parent’s social circle would listen. Eating Disorders and Abusive Relationships O’Toole does not shy away from serious topics in this memoir as I mentioned at the beginning. She shares her struggles with eating disorders. She believes when evaluating girls for EDs they should also be checking for autistic traits as she sees that much of an overlap between the two. Living in a world that was not made for you or how your brain works can lead to extreme countermeasures to find some semblance of order amongst the chaos. O’Toole expressed that her struggles were less about wanting to be thin and more about the meticulous spreadsheets she could keep, the calories she could track, and the control she could have over her body when everything else was out of control. She also shares the abuse she suffered in relationships. Due to the need to try to fit in, please others, and not be our weird selves, some autistics are more prone to entering manipulative or abusive relationships without realizing it. Without a solid, foundational, sense of self, it’s easier as one gets older to enter into unhealthy relationships. O’Toole discusses the concept of a “diffuse sense of self.” Dr. Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault describes having a diffuse sense of self as “someone who changes who they are depending on their circumstances and what they think others want from them.” It’s common among autistic’s and abuse survivors. I think, for me personally, I am more likely to see any abuse or manipulation for what it is because my mother (who was also likely autistic) provided me with a safe environment to (mostly) be myself. She always encouraged me and helped improve my confidence, and in turn, made sure I had a strong sense of self (though I recognize not everyone has that kind of support). Final Thoughts I’ll leave you with a few quotes from Autism in Heels that I found to be impactful. “It is now our charge to explain that, regardless of how obvious our autism is to others, it is equally present to the person living it.” “The experience of life from within any group has to be described by members of that group.” “It’s our universal need, often hidden beneath anger, arrogance, disinterest, or distrust…a quiet, insistent plea to be loved exactly as we are.”
- A Love Letter to the Written Word
Stories connect us: all of us. Photo by Resource Boy During tough times or gleeful ones, when anger arises or tears begin to fall, my journal and pen sit waiting and ready for me. Words are a balm imbued with magic; they help heal my soul. To write is to release: release stress but also imagination. To put pen to paper or fingertips to keys is to settle into an internal reflection, an escape as much as an intentional presence of the self. Writing is my companion when I have something to say but need to find the right words before they leave my lips. In writing, I can explore my darkest depths and my farthest imaginations. I can hold infinity in the palm of my hand and make you see, in your mind’s eyes, a galaxy. I can paint the sky purple, a soft lilac shade, as rays of yellow light, like arrows, try their best to strike through the oncoming twilight. I can make you taste the saltiness of rainfall, make you smell that petrichor perfume that lingers even as the grey clouds begin to disperse, as the fog begins to lift. I can make you hear birdsong, a faraway chiming of voices so different from your own but nonetheless still beautiful. I can make all this true even if it is not in this very moment. Words are memory. They are a record of the author’s emotions and a silent ask for the reader’s empathy. They carry a piece of a soul, a soul in all its impossible fragility. It is both breakable glass and sparkling diamond. Read with care. Read carefully . Because words can be swift. Harsh. Cutting. They can be an avalanche. A blizzard of cold-swept cheeks and cracked lips. But words can also be strung together slowly, a river of eloquence flowing, one soft word into the next, each period rippling, an ellipsis like stones skipping across the water…. If words are memory, then stories are emotion. Writers carry their joy, their sadness, their desire in the letters of the words they write–both to release the emotion within themselves and to carry it forward over to you. To make you feel what they have felt. A transference of humanity without direct experience. For even in a make-believe world with ferocious dragons, you, too, know of the immobilizing fear the hero must overcome. Even you know of their bravery when they do. The world needs writers. It needs stories written by as many human beings as possible, from as many backgrounds, cultures, and abilities as possible. Humanity is, finally, not in the business of burning books, of wiping out the so-called enemies. The world needs records of history written by both sides of a battle. The world needs stories. For as long as there have been people, there have been stories. Passed down from one generation to the next. Books borrowed, shared amongst friends, bound so tightly together that the pages inside remain untouched by flame and by fire. Stories, centuries old, copied and printed for new eyes. I can learn about the tragic life of a general from 11th-century Scotland, written by a man from 17th-century England. I can read about housewives from the 50s and 60s igniting the second wave of feminism in the United States. I can discover the monster and its creation that invented an entirely new genre of fiction in 1818. A whole 180 years before I was born. Life preserves itself in the words, the emotions, and the dreams we write down. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but a thousand words is a careful, devoted attempt at capturing life’s enigmas. A human effort to convey love or betrayal, hope or fear. Poets have dedicated years of their lives to finding just the right words and putting them in just the right order to make you feel. To make you think. Writing is a wonder. Reading is wonderful. Whether facts or fantasy each word we read, each word we write, is an ode to humanity. We are, all of us, trying to make sense of ourselves and of each other. And the fact that we–each day, each year, each century–continue to do this through the written word is a truly beautiful thing. A silent communication between strangers. An understanding between souls. One that overcomes any difference in time or person. During tough times or gleeful ones, when anger arises or tears begin to fall, my journal and pen sit waiting and ready for me. And that is all I’ve ever needed. And that is all the world just might need to begin to heal.