Note: * means I’ve read the book. Sincerely, Your Autistic Child: What People on the Autism Spectrum Wish Their Parents Knew about Growing Up, Acceptance, and Identity by Autistic Women and Nonbinary Network (Author), Emily Paige Ballou (Editor), Sharon daVanport (Editor) Neurodiversity: Discovering the Extraordinary Gifts of Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, and Other Brain Differences by Thomas Armstrong *Camouflage: The Hidden Lives of Autistic Women by Sarah Bargiela Knowing Why: Adult-Diagnosed Autistic People on Life and Autism by Elizabeth Bartmess, Autistic Self Advocacy Network Late Bloomer: How an Autism Diagnosis Changed My Life by Clem Bastow All the Weight of Our Dreams: On Living Racialized Autism by Lydia X.Z. Brown, Morénike Giwa Onaiwu, E. Ashkenazy The Autism Relationships Handbook: How to Thrive in Friendships, Dating, and Love by Joe Biel, Faith G. Harper Strong Female Character by Fern Brady Autism, Inc.: The Autism Industrial Complex by Alicia A. Broderick All Tangled Up in Autism and Chronic Illness: A Guide to Navigating Multiple Conditions by Charli Clement Spectrum Women: Walking to the Beat of Autism by Barb Cook, Michelle Garnett with Lisa Morgan (Contributor) Uncomfortable Labels: My Life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman by Laura Kate Dale We’re Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation by Eric Garcia The # actuallyautistic Guide To Advocacy Step-By-Step Advice On How To Ally And Speak Up With Autistic People And The Autism Community by Jenna Gensic, Jennifer Brunton Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism by Temple Grandin Sensory Issues for Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder by Diarmuid Heffernan The Neurodiverse Workplace: An Employer’s Guide to Managing and Working with Neurodivergent Employees, Clients and Customers by Victoria Honeybourne Stim: An Autistic Anthology by Lizzie Huxley-Jones Safeguarding Autistic Girls: Strategies for Professionals by Carly Jones I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults by Cynthia Kim Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate: A User Guide to an Asperger Life by Cynthia Kim *I Overcame My Autism and All I Got Was This Lousy Anxiety Disorder: A Memoir by Sarah Kurchak Letters to My Weird Sisters: On Autism and Feminism by Joanne Limburg *Gender Identity, Sexuality and Autism: Voices from Across the Spectrum by Meredith R. Maroney, Eva A. Mendes with Wenn B. Lawson (Contributor) The Electricity of Every Living Thing by Katherine May Unmasked: The Ultimate Guide to ADHD, Autism and Neurodivergence by Ellie Middleton The Neurodiversity Reader: Exploring Concepts, Lived Experience and Implications for Practice by Damian Milton *What to Say Next: Successful Communication in Work, Life, and Love — With Autism Spectrum Disorder by Sarah and Larry Nannery Send in the Idiots: Stories from the Other Side of Autism by Kamran Nazeer Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn’t Designed for You by Jenara Nerenberg Autism in Heels: The Untold Story of a Female Life on the Spectrum by Jennifer Cook O’Toole How to Be Autistic by Charlotte Amelia Poe The Secret Life of a Black Aspie: A Memoir by Anand Prahlad Friendship Love Autism: Communication Challenges and the Autism Diagnosis that Gave Us a New Life Together by Andrew Preston, Michelle Preston Unlearning Shame: How We Can Reject Self-Blame Culture and Reclaim Our Power by Devon Price *Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity by Devon Price Aspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome by Rudy Simone *The Autism Friendly Guide to Self Employment by Robyn Steward But you don’t look autistic at all by Bianca Toeps Pretending to Be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome by Liane Holliday Willey The Autism-Friendly Cookbook by Lydia Wilkins This list will be continuously updated. If you’ve read a book about Autistic Adults or Women with Autism that is missing from this list leave a comment below, send an email, or message me on social media and I’d be happy to take your recommendation into consideration. If you’d like to follow along then you can follow me on TikTok @noto.lux and/or on Storygraph @notolux.

When my Autism journey began it was a shock to the system. My brain couldn’t keep up. I was learning all this new language and information that finally allowed me to understand myself. More so, I was reviewing my past and putting all the pieces together for the first time. My life started to make sense as more pieces fell into place and realizations cropped up. It’s a liberating feeling, honestly, that oh, that’s why I do/did that. Without further ado, and in no particular order, here are 20 of my Autistic Realizations. 1 | Formal Speech and Communication I always did well on essays and school papers, now I know why. It’s not at all uncommon for Autistics to communicate more formally, even when the conversation doesn’t call for it. I think this is in part because we value clear and direct communication so highly. It is also an attempt to be understood, rather than misunderstood as we so often are. I feel as though I overcompensate. In an effort to be as clear as possible and use the “right” words I end up skewing the key message I’m trying to convey. It might seem like a lose-lose situation–and sometimes it is–but I am comfortable with the way I communicate and it has benefited me on more than one occasion. 2 | Motion Sickness For years, and for as long as I can remember, I have struggled with motion sickness. Particularly car rides, no matter the distance. I recall my mom driving me to the hospital for routine check-ups and arriving pale and nauseous. Turns out, Autistic individuals are prone to motion sickness due to our sensory sensitivities. Thankfully, I only react this way when I’m the passenger, not the driver. 3 | Issues with Clothing My pants had to reach my belly button. I could not stand cuffs on shirts or pants. Tucking a shirt in was also a no-go. All clothing tags were removed upon purchase. As a child, going shopping was not always a fun experience. How my mother put up with me, I have no idea, but somehow she made it work. Or rather we made as many alterations to my clothing as we could and then I suffered with whatever was left. I still remember forcing myself into low-rise jeans in 7th grade because it was the only thing available in stores [shudders at the thought of the despicable fashion trend returning]. This is, again, due to sensory sensitivities. Many Autistic’s despise tags on clothing or need loose necklines to feel comfortable. 4 | Hanging Upside Down, Spinning in Chairs, etc. Turns out, this is called stimming. Stimming refers to repetitive behaviours and motions to self-regulate excess energy and emotions. This subject is a tough one for me because I was so high-masking by the time I received my Autism diagnosis that I was no longer stimming at all. As a child though, I’ve come to remember I stimmed all the time. I’d hang upside just to see the world from a new angle, or lay under the ceiling fan watching it circle around. I also had some unhealthy stims: chewing on my hair, which is why my mother had it cut to chin-length in 4th grade. I also remember chewing on pencils. I don’t know what that was about. I mostly stopped stimming for the same reason many others do: I received negative comments about it. I was told to stop, it was annoying, or weird. Thankfully, I’ve learned to open up again and stim much more freely. 5 | Attachment to Inanimate Objects I’ve been accused of lacking empathy, and yet it turns out I have hyper-empathy. The way I, and others experience this, is seen more in relation to inanimate objects. Growing overly attached to or personifying stuffed animals and plushies, anyone? Just a few weeks ago my cat knocked over my favourite candle and I just stood there in shock, completely heartbroken. It actually took me time to process the incident because my brain reacted like something truly terrible had happened–instead of, you know, a candle breaking. 6 | Forgetting to Eat and Take Breaks I now know why my mother made me eat every 2 hours as a child. One, I would eat small portions throughout the day rather than whole meals, two, I was a picky eater, and three, if someone didn’t put food in front of me, I probably wouldn’t have eaten at all. This is related to something called interoception. In a past post, I explained that interoception is being aware of the internal sensations of your body such as hunger, thirst, the need to stretch, etc. In Autistics, there is often a noticeable lack of this awareness. This explains why I all-too-often forget to eat until my hands are shaking and I feel faint. Sensing those internal sensations doesn’t come naturally to me. I have to consciously think about it. One thing that helps with this is having a set meal plan, even down to what I have for snacks. This way I don’t have to think about or waste time making a decision if I go too long without eating or drinking anything. 7 | Intense and Specific Interests I got deep into MBTI and personality types in high school. I can still rattle off a ton of information about it. This is something called a special interest. Specific to Autism, a special interest is often an intense and specific or niche interest. Typically, Autistic’s will learn as much information as they can about their interest, for example, dinosaurs or plants, or psychology, however it can simply be watching the same tv show again. I often wondered why, when I went to look something up, it could easily turn into days falling down an internet rabbit hole and sometimes blossom into a full-blown “special interest” as I have come to learn. 8 | Exhaustion and Fatigue This is a big one. In high school I would see my peers going out after school, sports and extracurricular activities, or going to the movies, or shopping. I would get home, change into pj’s, curl up in bed, and scroll on my phone. I was always tired, and with no idea as to why. This is related to my masking and sensory sensitivities. I was experiencing so much overstimulation at school all day that by the time I got to the safety of my home, I didn’t have any energy left in me. 9 | Social Anxiety Somehow, I was never really diagnosed with anxiety, despite having so much of it growing up. Though, with masking, I suppose it became harder to tell I was feeling any anxiety as I learned how to hide it. Social anxiety is extremely common amongst Autistic’s and it’s often quoted that it feels like, “everyone has access to a social rule book, except us.” It leaves us feeling out of the loop and unable to casually and quickly connect with others. 10 | Picky Eating I was such a picky eater–and my parents knew it had nothing to do with the taste, but the textures of different foods. My dad recalls having to peel grapes because I couldn’t handle the texture of the skin. This has everything to do with sensory sensitivities and issues. I mean, I still can’t eat mushrooms, because it’s not about the fact they don’t taste like anything, it’s the slimy texture of them when they’re cooked. 11 | Organizing All The Things It has come to my attention that we like to sort and organize things. It makes our brains happy. The common example is lining up toys. However, I have always loved to organize things. Books, my clothes, the kitchen drawers and more obscure things like sorting Skittles by colour and eating each colour in a specific order. 12 | Repeating Words and Phrases I had a phase in 5th grade where, whenever I looked at a map, I’d point to Alaska and repeat the name of the state. This is called echolalia and is a form of vocal stimming. I did this because I just liked how the word sounded and felt in my mouth (if that makes any sense). 13 | Shy, Blunt, Know-It-All These were all common labels I was given as a child. In truth, I was shy because of my social anxiety because I’d learned it’s better to say nothing at all than to say something and be called a “know-it-all.” Of course, one label was just replaced with a different one. If you’d like to read more on my experience with this you can read this blog post: Autism and Our Unsatisfying Labels. 14  | Being in my Head Part of the reason I’m a writer is because as a child I had a big imagination and would often get lost in my head creating stories. Ever heard the phrase, “they’re in their own little world?” I tend to experience the world internally and process things alone. This can also manifest as dissociation or “tuning out” of the world around you to combat over/under stimulation. 15 | Conveying Emotions and Feelings I am very much a thinking person over a feeling person. Until I had the language, the best I could come up with when asked how I was feeling was “ok” or “I don’t know.” This can sometimes be attributed to alexithymia, which is common in Autistic’s. Generally, it is a broad term to describe problems with feeling or recognizing emotions in oneself and others. It’s a bit like having poor interoception. I have a hard time sensing what I’m feeling in the same way I have a hard time sensing when I’m hungry. 16 | Poor Reaction to Change My family and I are about to leave for a two hour drive to visit my aunt, uncle, and cousin in another city. The plan was to go and drive back in the same day. At the last minute I learned we were actually staying overnight. I bawled, I was so caught off guard. I was also 15 years old. One thing I’d like to point out is that change, whether good or bad, is still change, and I can have similar reactions to both. 17 | Not Quite Fitting In In hindsight, I recall feeling like I’m standing back and looking in on my life. I always felt a touch disconnected from the world around me and often wondered how people made it all look so…easy. To make friends, to give a presentation in front of the class, to go on dates, to make small talk, etc. Because an Autistic’s brain is wired differently than is considered typical, we process the world differently. Neurotypicals enjoy small talk, while for many neurodivergents, and Autistic’s specifically, we struggle with making small talk and don’t often see the point of it. 18 | Watching Movies/Shows Over and Over One of my qualifiers for determining my favourite movies is how often I can watch them over and over again without getting bored. I once watched Captain America: The Winter Soldier three times in one week. This is due to several factors. One, the show or movie can be a special interest and engaging with it can recharge our batteries. Two, the mere familiarity of it can help us calm down at the end of a long day. Three, it can be a hyperfixation. This is similar to a special interest, but doesn’t last as long. 19 | Misunderstanding Certain Phrases or Metaphors It’s often said that Autistic’s can't understand sarcasm. I’ve, personally, rarely struggled with this. What does get me are “common” sayings or metaphors. If I’m hearing one for the first time I struggle to put it together under the context. For example, “the pot calling the kettle black.” Apparently this is a situation “in which one person criticizes another for a fault the first person also has.” I was so confused when I heard it the first time, my brain could not make sense of it. 20 | Generally Being Awkward Missing social cues. Speaking formally. Mumbling when I talk. Generally being awkward was a staple of my childhood. For the most part I saw nothing wrong with my behaviour, but the subtle disapproving glances and looks those around would give me spoke volumes. Thankfully, I was never bullied in school, but I know it’s an all too common experience for most Autistics. This goes back to the missing rule book and being in our world. When I was diagnosed I finally understood why I felt so different from my peers. I had the language to explain this why, both to myself and others.

I realized there were a lot more than 20 “Autistic Realizations,” I had after my recent post: 20 “It was the Autism All Along” Realizations. So, here are 20 more. 1 | Random Joint Pain It’s not uncommon for Autistic individuals to have hypermobility issues, which causes joint pain. I’m not super hypermobile, but I do get the random aches and pains because some of my muscles hyperextend. 2 | Endless Sleep Problems I always wondered why it took me upwards of two hours to fall asleep at night. And then stay asleep the entire night. I remember being up for hours in the middle of the night, my brain unable to settle down long enough to let me sleep. During high school, this particularly sucked. Now I know it was Autism all along. 3 | Black and White Thinking I didn’t believe I had black and white thinking, until I started to look at some real life examples. I was always a stickler for rules and following them–unless they didn’t make sense to me, then I questioned them and didn’t want to follow them at all. 4 | Masking and Facial Expressions I have no control over my facial expressions. I often just zone out and have a blank face, especially when I’m thinking. I still remember in 1st grade a student teacher trying to tell me about having a “thinking face,” so it didn’t look like I was just staring off into space. I looked at her like she had three heads, I was so confused. Turns out this has to do with masking and over time, through the subtle (and not so subtle) comments from others I learned to blend in and mask the things that set me apart. 5 | Strong Sense of Fairness/Justice The one and only time I got in trouble at school was in 4th grade. I had this awful teacher that no one liked (students switched schools just to not have her as a teacher). She took five minutes off of recess if we still had our pencils up when she started talking. I was finishing a thought before I forgot it, alright, it’s not that big a deal. But she took 5 minutes off of a 15 minute recess every time this happened. The rule itself made little sense, and then there was the fact she punished everyone for one person’s perceived mistake. I’ll never forget that teacher and her absurd rules. 6 | Terrible Liar I cannot lie worth a damn. I think it ties into our sense of justice. I tend to think we are rather honest individuals. White lies are an exception. The general answer to “how are you?” is “I’m fine,” because neurotypicals don’t actually want a real answer to this question. But otherwise, unless I’ve put effort into a lie, I can’t say it with a straight face, the anxiety gets the better of me, and I just don’t like to do it. 7 | Rocking Chairs I loved rocking chairs as a kid. I did stim in other ways, but rocking has always been very soothing for me and now I know why. 8 | Knowing Things Without Knowing How I Knew Them Pattern recognition is weird guys. I still can’t tell you how I knew my step mom was going to tell me I might be autistic when we had that first conversation about it, but somehow I just knew. Despite knowing nothing about Autism at the time. Here's a post that covers: How I Got My Autism Diagnosis. 9 | Unable to “Watch My Tone” If I ever got in trouble throughout my life it usually had to do with my tone of voice. I can’t control it. I never know how I’m saying something. I just say it and whatever comes out of my mouth, comes out. 10 | Difficult Knowing the Volume I Was Speaking At In line with the above, I also have a hard time knowing what volume I’m speaking at. I often can’t tell if I’m being too quiet or too loud. The number of times I was told to “speak up” as a child or to “stop mumbling,” is staggering. I still struggle with this. 11 | Overwhelm and Overstimulated I used to wonder why I would rather sit in my room alone and not say a word to anyone for hours. I remember celebrating my birthday once at my house with some friends, I was maybe eight or nine, and I sneaked off to my room to be alone. At the time I couldn’t explain why and gave the excuse that I was sick and I didn’t want my friends to get sick, but now I know I was probably overwhelmed and overstimulated and I naturally went to be alone for a little white. 12 | Lists. Lists. Lists. I like my lists. I like having a Plan. I need a Plan. I don’t know if this is common for all Autistics, but for me I like order. I need a grocery list when I go shopping. I know what I’m going to order at a restaurant before I get there. I know what I’m going to buy when I go to the mall from each store so I can be in and out as quickly as possible. I like to be organized and lists help me to do that. 13 | No Touch-y. I used to say that I never really liked being touched and I didn’t know why, but I knew why it got worse over the years. It became more of a struggle as I got older and I had no way of explaining why I didn’t like being touched. Especially light touch like a tap on the shoulder, but also being hugged when I don’t want to be hugged. My sister, for example, is very touchy and wants to be hugged and cuddled and I am the complete opposite. At the very least, I now have the language to explain it. 14 | Communication Preferences I found it odd that I preferred to communicate via email and in-person over phone calls. Like, I would rather go outside and meet someone in person than have to talk to them on the phone without leaving my house. I understand now that phone calls are difficult because I can’t see people’s faces and gauge their reaction to things the same way I can in person. I think it ties into masking and trying to figure out how to act and communicate–which is easier to do if you can see what’s happening. I prefer text or email over anything else because I can read it over again, revise it, and make sure I’m conveying what I want to. 15 | Background Noise Some of my family members always have the tv on as background noise. I cannot stand it. I always get too distracted and end up watching the tv instead of listening to the conversation. My brain just can’t focus on two things at once like that. 16 | Task Switching I remember I was working on something in college and I got distracted for a second and then lost all focus and motivation for it. Thankfully, by then I knew I was Autistic and knew it was because of difficulties switching tasks. But before I didn’t know why I’d get snappy at my sister if she interrupted me while I was working on something. 17 | Scripting If I ever have to make a phone call, I write down a script. I write down what I’m going to say, or at the very least I write down notes on what needs to be said and addressed so I don’t panic in the moment and forget everything. Scripting is a common act amongst Autistics as we try to navigate the world and mask our differences. 18 | Dissociation The number of times I would “zone out,” and get lost in my head. I assumed everyone daydreamed and let their imagination wander, especially as children, but no, that’s not what everyone does. If my surroundings became too boring my brain would go into autopilot and I’d sort of retreat to my mind which was much more fascinating. Of course there are times when I would dissociate during difficult times or traumatic events to protect myself too. 19 | Preferring Soft Colours I never liked bright, flashy colours in anything, but specifically when it came to the clothes I wore. I prefer soft, pastel colours. This is due to sensory sensitivities. I become visually overstimulated in grocery stores as much as auditorily overstimulated because of all the bright and contrasting packing. 20 | Little Annoyances I’m the same way as my mom used to be. If a cupboard is slightly open, I have to close it. If there is time left on the microwave, I have to reset it. I have to straighten picture frames, organize puzzle pieces in rows, sort ikea parts in categories and line them all up. There are these small, little annoyances I experience every day that I cannot ignore. I have to do something or it’s going to keep bothering me and then it’s going to bother me even more the longer I don’t “fix” it. I’m not entirely sure why I do this, or why it’s common in Autistics, other than it makes my brain happy and/or reduces anxiety. I could go on and on about all my Autistic Realizations. Everyday I learn something new and go, “ohhh, that’s why I do that!” It’s endless and explains so much now.

This is Part 2 of a two-part series on how to get your life together based on lessons I’ve learned and practices I’ve developed over the years. Here is Part 1: How to Actually Get Your Life Together. Reminders, Affirmations, and Mindfulness To Combat Perfectionism First and foremost, when it comes to letting go of perfectionism, I need to talk about reminders, affirmations, and mindfulness. Reminders The biggest thing I have to remind myself on pretty much a daily basis is that any negative feelings and anxiety I’m experiencing are not permanent. They often say happiness is fleeting. Well, so are all the other emotions. What you’re feeling one day does not have to define the next. Times of stress and worry will come to an end. Mindfulness and Meditation Now, to shift your mindset to this, you also have to practice letting go of the things outside of your control. Again, I still struggle with this on a regular basis. However, I’ve implemented the tools I need to recognize it when it’s happening and put it to a stop. I do this through mindfulness and meditation practices. For me, this doesn’t look like sitting on the floor with my legs crossed and eyes closed. I tried that, but it doesn't really work for me. The questions I learned I can ask myself and the affirmations I can tell myself, however, have been incredibly useful. I sit for a moment and think about the situation at hand. I ask myself what of this is not in my control and what is. For example, I carry a lot of stress around money right now. I know I can’t change this overnight, I’m not magically going to come up with the money I need. But I can make a plan. I can control what I work and focus on each day, and for now, that’s all I can do because that’s all I have control over. Meditation is about clearing your mind and focusing on the present moment. This, in turn, includes letting go of the things you cannot control, as well as past influences and future anxieties. It’s about figuring out the next right thing (Frozen 2 pun unintended) and focusing on that. Affirmations When I feel the need to use affirmations, comparison is usually involved, if it’s not already the root problem. I find comparison to be tricky as an Autistic because I’ve learned how to act and what to say through watching, and copying, other people. I can’t help but to observe others and compare what they’re doing versus what I’m doing–or not doing. Perfection and comparison crop up the most around my work, the quality of it, the quantity of it. I cannot work a typical 9-5pm job without burning out after a couple months. Realizing this after my diagnosis that I was never going to be able to do what everyone else does because I simply do not have the mental bandwidth and energy for it was disheartening to say the least. I convince myself I need to do all these things like work and go out with friends and have a side hustle and live up to society’s expectations. I want my work to be perfect before I send it out to clients or my journals to be just how I want them to be before I hit publish. To combat this I have to physically tell myself that I am enough. I have to speak the words aloud: “I am enough,” and “My work is enough.” Is the work perfect? No. Perfection isn’t real, it cannot be achieved. It’s also subjective like beauty. Perfect looks different to different people. I dealt with this mostly in college with assignments and my first job at Spark@SLC. I had to learn to be ok with hitting that submit button even if the paper wasn’t up to my standards. It was ‘good enough’ and while it maybe wasn’t an A+ assignment, I also reminded myself that I wasn’t in school for perfect grades, I was in school to learn. This inherently means I am not perfect, I do not know all things. Journaling The second part of this post is all about journaling. Journaling is one thing I will never stop talking about, alright? Its uses are endless and its benefits are life-changing. Whenever I’m struggling with perfectionism, comparison, anxiety, etc. I turn to my journal and get it all out on the page. I feel physically lighter after this. There is less on my brain for me to carry. For those of you who prefer to talk it out, by all means do that. A journal also doesn’t have to be physical, it can be an audio journal, or a notes app. The point is to get the problem and emotions out of just yourself to make it tangible enough to reflect on and then let go. Bullet Journaling Now, bullet journaling, when you first discover it, becomes quickly overwhelming. All these people make these beautiful spreads and have lovely handwriting. They can draw half decently. I cannot. So, learning to build my journal around what I needed and what I was capable of helped me to let go of these unrealistic standards in the bujo community that every page had to be artistic and aesthetically pleasing. To combat perfectionism you need to let your journal be messy and chaotic. Completely imperfect. I actually came across a book that really helped me with this, and it opened up my creativity again. It’s called Embrace Your Weird: Face Your Fears and Unleash Creativity by Felicia Day. It’s a book/workbook. One of the first activities tells you to ruin the page and just scribble all over it. If you know anything about me, you should know that I hate writing in books. I use sticky notes and flags to annotate my novels. By no means is pen marking that paper. So, for this exercise I used a pencil. A baby step, but a step in the right direction. And letting go of perfectionism is just that, a series of small, baby steps in the right direction. Final Thoughts If you enjoyed this post be sure to like or comment below. This also helps me know what content I should create more of. Thank you!

I have overcome many of life’s obstacles. In more than one way, I still am. However, I am of the mindset that while my life is not where I want it to be, I know I’ll be ok. Maybe it’s naive, but I like to have faith that I can have the life I want to live. I wasn’t always of this mindset. When you’re in the deep end of depression and undiagnosed autism staying positive is closer to make-believe than a real possibility. Yet, somehow, I have reached a point where I am content, where I feel I actually have my life together. And those few missing pieces are gradually falling into place. Make no mistake, having this kind of contentment and hope is not something that happens overnight. It has taken me years and many bumps along the way. And don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days, days where hope is nowhere to be found, but I recognize that these days are fleeting. They will pass. Without further ado, here is how to actually get your life together (from someone who’s mostly figured it out). Focus on the Present A common trait amongst Autistic’s is that we can struggle with big picture thinking. A five year plan? A ten year plan? Out of the question. Who knows what could happen next month let alone a decade from now. So, my first tip is to focus on the present. Ask yourself what needs to be accomplished today and only today. This is where my journal comes into play. I have a future log, a monthly log, and then my daily spreads. If you’re trying to accomplish a long term goal, thinking only of today isn’t going to be of much benefit. This is why I use the future and monthly logs to break down large goals into daily practices. Now, I’ll admit I’m far from perfect with this practice, but when I can integrate it in, I do. An Example For example, I did Camp NaNoWriMo in July of 2021. First I had to make sure I had an outline ready by the end of June. I worked through Katytastic's 3 Act/ 9 Block/ 27 Chapter Outline as well as some other free resources to get a better sense of my characters and setting. Since I thankfully wasn’t starting from scratch, this outline didn’t take me more than a day. However, I had to block out time to watch the videos and complete the worksheets. Thus, some of these tasks were recorded in the future log and then transferred to the monthly log when June rolled around. Come July, I created a tracker in the monthly log to make sure I wrote every day. And I had to write 50,000 words in 30 days. So, each day, I set a goal of about 1700 words. I also made sure to write a task in my daily spread as that extra reminder. The Point The point is to break down large goals into smaller, daily tasks. It’s about focusing on what is in your control and combatting the lack of big picture thinking. A daily spread helps you start fresh each day. It means when you have those bad days, it's ok, because you can just flip to the next page of your journal and start again. Effectively Carry the Mental Load As neurodivergent’s there’s usually a lot going on in our heads. It’s why I recommend journaling to just about everyone because it means letting go of some of that mental load and freeing up space in our minds. There are a few ways this can be done to make our lives just a little bit easier. Decision Making and Decision Fatigue Firstly, we have to make a lot of decisions in our day-to-day lives. Unfortunately, there are only a certain amount of or substantial decisions we can make before we experience decision fatigue. This means we are too tired to make any more decisions - or at least any good ones. This is why it’s often recommended to plan your next day the night before or to choose your outfits ahead of time. This is one of the reasons I jumped into minimalism and capsule wardrobes a few years ago. My closet is full of clothes that can mix and match. I can pick almost any top and bottom and build an outfit. If you can limit your decision making in the morning it means you have just that bit more energy during the day for things like work or errands. This is also why I like to rely on muscle memory and routines. Routines and Rituals Like most Autistic’s, I too love my routines. I eat the same thing for breakfast every day: cereal. Now, I have some choices as to which cereal I want, but I keep that within two or three options. The goal is to make as few decisions as possible so I have more energy and thinking space for work. One of the other things I’ve noticed is that it is so ingrained in my routine to shower every morning, that I have to physically fight against that automatic urge if I skip a shower or plan to shower later. It’s the same muscle memory that has me grabbing a bowl from the cupboard every morning. Again, it’s all going back to freeing up our mental load. Habit Tracking If we hop back to journaling, there are two things I recommend to free up that mental load. The first is if you like to use a habit tracker, track only one to three habits a day in a single month. Any more is actually too overwhelming for the brain to handle and to actually complete. The second is similar to the first, but instead of habit trackers, it’s signifiers. Keep journal signifiers between one and five. For example I use a dot for tasks and then I can make it an x or an arrow, or cross it out. Then I only use two signifiers: an exclamation point for ideas and inspiration and a star for any priority or important tasks. Journaling is meant to lighten the mental load, not add so many little pieces to it that you can’t keep track of it all. Brain Dumps and Long Form Journaling I wasn’t going to touch on this since it’s talked about a lot already, but I figured I’d add it here anyway. Brain dumping and long form journaling are a way to unburden the mind. I know I’ve had days where there are so many things swirling around in my head and I can’t think straight because of it. These are the days where I feel I don’t know where to start. So, I will write it all down. Whether that’s a bunch of random ideas for blog posts or stories or it’s something deeper such as an argument with my sister that I can’t stop thinking about. Whatever it is I get it down onto the page in full sentences or bullet points. Now, I can visually see what’s going on and can form a plan to move forward. I physically feel lighter after this, my mind clears. Final Thoughts As I said at the beginning, I’m not perfect, I’m still learning. This is simply what has worked for me. It may not work for you, or some of it will and some of it won’t. Either way I hope you have gained something from this post about how to simplify your life so you can clear your mind and focus on your goals. Thank you for reading all the way to the end, I know this was a lone one! There are still some things I’d like to add to this topic, but I’ll cover it in another post so be on the lookout for that.

If you don't already know, I am a huge fan of Brené Brown and her work. I’ve read all, but one of her books. Brown was the first to introduce me to the concept of finding my values and living by them. She has created several worksheets, but the two most prominent ones are the List of Values and the Living Into Our Values. I've tried to work through the list a few times. Once in college as a class exercise and my values came up as Safety and Belonging. I didn’t fail to notice these are two of the basic needs of Maslow’s Hierarchy. A fact my professor was more than willing to remind me of. However, these values never fully encapsulated me, who I was, and who I wanted to be. They are basic needs, not values to live by. Since college, I’ve grown and changed and know that while safety and belonging are important, they are not my guiding values. Since my Autism diagnosis, I have read Devon Price’s Unmasking Autism. It’s probably the top recommended book to read when delving down the Autism rabbit hole. In his book, Price outlines a handful of exercises called the Values-Based Integration Process. This process is developed by Heather R. Morgan of Powered By Love, and since being featured in the book, Morgan has begun training and coaching medical professionals and therapists to use the technique with their patients. While I like Brown’s List of Values, the Values-Based Integration Process is better for neurodivergent brains. I think this is because it utilizes bottom-up thinking rather than top-down thinking. It’s about exploring our past and experiences and finding values within those experiences rather than naming values and trying to apply them to our lives. The Values-Based Integration Process Developed by Heather R. Morgan and featured in Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. Step 1: Find Your Why, pg.14 Think of five moments in your life when you felt like you were fully alive. Try to find moments from throughout your life (childhood, adolescence, adulthood, school, work, vacation, hobbies). Some of these moments might leave you feeling a sense of awe or wonder, or feeling recharged, satisfied, fulfilled, etc. Really try to think about why each moment stuck with you. For example, my moments are: I was maybe 18 at the time and I remember sitting at my desk, the sun still bright and streaming in, just starting to go down. It was the middle of summer so there was still plenty of daylight even at 7pm. I was eating toast with apple jelly, listening to Creep by Radiohead, and using the song to write a scene in a story I was working on. I felt content and joyful. I was right in my element and doing something I loved without anyone else around, without any distractions. As a kid, my family and I would have Nerf Gun battles around the yard. I always had a blast. I remember shooting my dad from underneath the car. I missed, but it was a cool shot. Last year, I went to Indigo with my sister. I bought like eight books. It was the biggest haul I’d ever done and I was beaming the whole time. I just enjoyed browsing the shelves and looking for all the books I wanted to read. I even bought the first seven books and upon leaving noticed one last book I’d been searching the store for and couldn’t find. So, I went right back up to cash and bought that one too. There’s something joyful and peaceful about being surrounded by books. During a family vacation several years ago, I ended up at an outdoor trampoline park. The whole trip was great because I felt like I got to be a kid again, but the trampoline, that’s when I really let go and just had fun. I stopped worrying about acting childish or being perceived as a kid and just went for it. I laughed and jumped around, I felt silly, and yet proud of myself because I knew it meant that I had grown. After hitting a rough patch in high school, I decided to re-read my favourite series, Heist Society by Ally Carter. I knew I needed to do something that brought me joy, that would make me smile, so I read the series again. I enjoyed the same characters and their interactions, I hated the same ones too. It’s still my favourite series. I think I’ve read it three or four times since I was in 7th grade. Step 2: Identifying Your Values, pg.156-157 Review the moments from above and try to list keywords that describe each moment and why it was special to you. My key words were: Contentment, joy, inner peace, motivated and productive, relaxed, self-care. Fun, joy, family, silly, free. Excitement, joy, confidence, financially stable. Joy, silliness, freedom, growth, pride, family, amazement/awe. Calm, joy, inner peace, contentment, fun, silly, nostalgic, growth, inside jokes, overcoming difficulties. The most important ones were: Joy Growth Step 3: Is Your Current Life Guided by Your Values? Pg. 216 What am I doing right now? Consider: How are you spending your time every day? Try to keep a detailed record for at least a week. What matches my values and what brings me joy? Reflect: Make note of which activities line up with your values and which do not. What are the recurring themes? Notice: Are there patterns in which activities feel the best to complete, or things you consistently look forward to? What unites the activities that are values-consistent and the ones that are not? Let go of what isn’t yours. Get help: What are you doing that could be done by someone else? What are you doing that doesn’t need to be done as regularly as you’re doing it - if at all? I won’t put my answers here for the sake of some privacy, but the questions are pretty straightforward. Step 4: Putting Your Values Together, pg.256-258 Re-examine the Key Moments of your life and the 3-5 core values you identified as essential. Then, draw an image that represents your values and how they connect with one another. This image might represent a hobby or an experience that is important to you, or it might evoke one of the key moments you felt particularly alive. The goal is to create an image that connects all your values together, and helps you envision and remember all of them. (I am terrible at drawing so I ended up writing my values down and other associated traits in calligraphy instead). I only identified 2 core values, but for me that’s all I need. Growth. To me, this means staying curious about life and myself. It means living on my own terms, with my own rules, and shedding social constructs. It means doing the work and meeting my own needs. It means being proud of who I am and all that I’ve accomplished. Joy. To me, joy means getting to laugh and be silly, even childish at times. It means appreciating the moments of awe and expressing gratitude. It means making time for my special interests, my hobbies, my family, and my furbabies. It means being mindful of those moments of happiness, of motivation, and of contentment. It means having, and feeling, the freedom to be myself. From the image above, you can see that I completed each part in my journal. It took up two spreads (or 4 pages). I preferred writing this down rather than typing it on a computer. The act of journaling, for me, is more personal and vulnerable, even though no one really sees what I write either way. Thanks for reading!

DSM-V criteria aside, the first thing I learned that made Autism click into place for me was this common phenomenon within the autistic community: that there’s some kind of rulebook for social situations that everyone has access to – except you. Learning to Blend In As a child I learned early on that the things you say, your behaviour, your body language, all affect how you’re perceived by others. I also learned that if I was going to appear normal, I had to conform to these principles. This is called masking which involves: suppressing certain behaviours autistics find soothing but that others think are ‘weird’, such as stimming or intense interests. It can also mean mimicking the behaviour of those around us, such as copying non-verbal behaviours, and developing complex social scripts to get by in social situations, (National Autistic Society). Let’s look at an example: A Story First grade. I might have been five years old. We were working on math. My favourite subject. Specifically we were working on counting by two’s and three’s and so on. To challenge myself I chose to count by four’s. Every now and then I’d get stuck and look off into the distance thinking of what number came next. A student teacher caught me and asked what I was doing. I said I was thinking. I was trying to count by four’s. She told me two things. One, that I should try something easier. And two, that I should have a thinking face. She even acted it out accordingly. Tilted head, hand on chin, in thought. I must have looked at her like she had three heads. This was the first I’d heard of a “thinking face.” And I was so not choosing something easier to count by. That’s boring. I thought the whole interaction was preposterous and unnecessary. But I tried it out, just so she would leave me alone. The thinking face, not counting by something easier. I had standards, ok. Growing Up “Shy” From there the blending in, or masking, slipped into my subconscious. I started changing my behaviour without thinking, without realizing it. I had always been a quiet kid, but masking soon blossomed into shyness. I would rather keep my mouth shut and pretend to not want to talk rather than say the wrong thing. The masking may have been unconscious, but the weird looks I received when I did speak were not. Thus, shy, was a label I gladly hid behind. At least in public anyway. In private I would talk my parent’s ear’s off. Or my grandmother’s, whom I spent a lot of time with during the summer and on any snow or P.A. day. We’d sit eating breakfast until almost noon just talking. Then we’d get ready for the day and find ourselves back at the table eating lunch and talking some more. I typically got along better with adults than kids my own age. I still joke that I sometime’s liked my friend’s parents better than my actual friend. I’d rather sit with the adults at get-togethers and watch them play cards than be planted in front of the TV with a movie. Friends and School When it came to school, I, thankfully, was never bullied. In part because I learned to mask at such a young age. However, I pin it mostly on attending such a tiny elementary school where my peers had been the same since kindergarten (with a few transfers here and there.) When I got to high school I was astonished to learn that a new acquaintance’s graduating class held 61 students. Mine was 16. And I loved it that way. While there was no shortage of school drama and friend groups, I considered us all to be friends. Maybe not close friends, but I knew I could count on them. When Things Changed This shyness lasted until seventh grade. Then I finally started opening up, and started gaining some confidence. Part of masking was hiding everything about myself. Which is why no one knew I held one of the top grades in math until grade 7. I excelled in every subject actually (except English, but that’s a whole other story). Looking back I feel a small pang that my peers, who I’d know for several years already didn’t know this about me. I had always prided myself on my grades and my work, yet these people that I knew since I was four years old, hadn’t known. At the time, however, I was just excited to show off. By high school, things changed once again and I was back to my shy, quiet self with zero confidence. But I already knew how to blend in, I already knew the “rules,” how to stay under the radar, how to slip through unnoticed, invisible. A slightly different label, yes, but one I hid behind just the same. I’m Not Adult Enough Then came college. Twenty years old. And I’d never had to make friends. I’d never had to actually work at it. Despite this, I flourished. I was finally around like-minded individuals. Individuals I’d never known before and therefore could create a new mask around. I didn’t have to be shy or quiet Brittany, I could be confident Brittany. I could raise my hand in class, ask questions, and help my peers out. Mind you I still remained pretty quiet. But I was happier, more confident, bubbly. Until I got home at the end of the day. I’d crash. Just like high school, I’d throw on my pajamas and have a nap. Homework was out of the question. I’d do it all on the weekend or between classes the next day. That bubbliness I started the day with, vanished. No more smiles here. Just exhaustion. Finally, A Diagnosis My third and final year of college approached and I was finally armed with the knowledge I’d always needed. I was autistic. How did I discover this? I didn’t. Nor did any of the dozen’s of therapists I’d been seeing since high school. It was my step mom. After two years of living together, that finally put the pieces together. My unawareness of my tone and how I came across to others, my awkwardness during conversations, when reading a room. I knew little about Autism. I recalled only a Ted Talk I’d watched about a young autistic boy attending college level math courses. For some reason, I’d admired him. His unintentional jokes - and his intentional ones. How his mind worked, how his behaviour came across to others. I remember this conversation with my sister, my step mom, and my dad quite vividly. Not what was said exactly, but what I experienced, my internal thoughts. See, my step mom was quite nervous about broaching the subject, she went on for a while discussing my behaviours of some of the things she’d noticed over the two years of knowing me. Meanwhile, before she’d even began speaking, only that she had something to say, my brain went: She thinks you're autistic. She’s going to say you’re autistic. How did I know this? I haven’t a clue. We laughed about it later, but my step mom did admit it freaked her out a bit. Frankly, it freaked me out too. Moving Forward I still struggle with my “tone.” I more often than not have no idea how I sound when I speak. But I know directly after the words have left my mouth by the reactions I get from the people around me. Masking is an everyday challenge. Something I still do without realizing it. It's a habit, muscle memory. It turns itself on automatically. As for this social rulebook – there’s a lot I still don’t understand. But I do understand myself. I know how my mind works now, who I can drop the mask around. Because, yes, my tone might be a problem, some of the things I say might come across differently than I intended, but the people in my life know why. And that has been the greatest gift: understanding.

One of the traits of Autism are sensitivities to sensory stimuli. This means we are particularly sensitive to bright lights and loud noises, as an example. We can be both sensory avoidant and sensory seeking, hypo or hyper sensitive. To gain a deeper understanding of what this looks like in autistic individuals, we’re going to examine the five senses, including vocal/verbal stimming. We’ll also take a look at three additional “senses,” we all experience, but might not be aware of, as well as how each exists with stimming. If you’re unaware of what stimming is, I covered it in my last post when explaining repetitive movements as they are basically stimming. And stimming is “the repetition of physical movements or articulated noises exhibited by people, in reaction to a mental or emotional state.” Alright, now we can move on to the senses. The 5 Senses Visual (Sight) The visual sense has to do with our eyes and what we see around us. As an autistic person visual stimuli is often the most triggering, but one that I’m the least aware of. Crowded spaces like shopping malls are visually overstimulating for me and often leave me feeling overwhelmed and tired. In the moment, however, I don’t always recognize this overwhelm, but I always feel it later when I’m home and it’s visually quiet again. Below are sensory examples developed from my own experiences as an autistic person. Visually Avoiding: Crowded and busy places Strobe and most overhead lighting Grocery stores (all the packaging and products) Visually Seeking: Calm, low lighting Clean, minimalistic space Nature and daylight Auditory (Hear) Oh look another sense that easily triggers me. Sounds, for me, are the hardest. Especially if I’m already feeling overwhelmed, any small noise is that much louder and more irritating. It’s at its worst first thing in the morning and I often find myself waiting until everyone leaves for the day before I get up or I’ll wear my Loop earplugs before going down for breakfast. Auditory Avoiding: Loud, crowded spaces Construction Shouting of any kind Loud music Vacuums (realized only recently it’s why I feel so exhausted after cleaning my home) Multiple conversations happening at once Auditory Seeking: My Sophie playlist on Spotify (it’s a mix of movie soundtracks that I find calming) A cat purring Complete quiet Tactile (Touch) For years and years I never understood why I didn’t like being touched. Sometimes. Other times I wanted my hair played with or a hug, but mostly I wanted people to stay the heck away from me. Turns out it’s because I’m autistic. Tactile Avoiding: Light touch (taps on the shoulder, tickling, etc.) Coarse fabrics Microfiber cloths Clothing tags Tactile Seeking: Heavy touch (weighted blankets, tight hugs, etc.) Soft fabrics (teddy bears, soft scrunchies) Pets (cats and/or dogs to snuggle with) Olfactory(Smell) The sense of smell and its sensitivities are much more common. Most people can name smells they do and do not like. The difference for an autistic person is that we are naturally more sensitive to sensory stimuli. It’s like turning the “volume” up to ten, where for you it might still be at one. Olfactory Avoiding: Cooking cabbage or turnips (I can’t stand it) Heavy chemical smells like bleach and some cleaning products Olfactory Seeking: Baked goods (we do a lot of baking in my household) Light, fresh scents (candles, aromatherapy) Gustatory (Taste) Taste is one of those weird things and corresponds with a lot of picky eaters. For me, however, when it came to food it was more about the texture of different things than the taste of them. For example, you cannot get me to eat mushrooms or baked beans. When it comes to the actual taste of something that’s when my dislike of brussels sprouts comes in. Gustatory Avoiding: “Slimy” foods and textures Gustatory Seeking: Sweets (I’m a big fan of chocolate) Ice cold water Fresh fruit Verbal Before we move on to the other senses I wanted to touch on verbal and vocal stimming. Vocal stimming has to do with repetitive sounds, while verbal stimming will express itself as repeating words or phrases. This is also called echolalia and is common in children as they’re learning to speak. The 6th, 7th, and 8th Senses Who would have guessed there isn’t just a sixth sense, but a seventh and eighth? Not me, not until I was diagnosed and started doing research. Vestibular (Balance and Spatial Orientation) The vestibular system is about our sense of balance and spatial orientation. It’s being aware of where our body is in relation to where we are. If I’m not mistaken it’s why some people clumsily run into furniture and door knobs. I believe this also explains why I hate trampolines and my proneness to motion sickness. The vestibular system “is responsible for providing our brain with information about motion, head position, and spatial orientation; it also is involved with motor functions that allow us to keep our balance, stabilize our head and body during movement, and maintain posture.” Add in some extra sensitivity and you end up with dizziness and nausea all too quickly. After a lifetime of getting car sick even during a fifteen minute drive I now know why and actively work to prevent it by limiting other sensory stimuli by turning off the music, wearing sunglasses, and keeping the windows up or wearing earplugs. Proprioception (Body Awareness) Proprioception is closely connected with the vestibular system as proprioception, “is the sense that lets us perceive the location, movement, and action of parts of the body. It encompasses complex sensations, including perception of joint position and movement, muscle force, and effort.” Clumsiness also comes into play here, but this is why autistics will flap their hands or rock back and forth, even lining up their toys. This form of stimming is all linked back to proprioception and the vestibular system. And was probably why I was obsessed with rocking chairs as a kid. Interoception (Internal Body Awareness) Interoception is being aware of the internal sensations of your body such as hunger, thirst, the need to stretch, etc. In autistics there is often a noticeable lack of this awareness. I often forget to go to the bathroom or skip lunch without realizing. While the average person automatically relates a rumbling stomach to hunger and then eats something to rectify that, an autistic person might not connect the two in the first place. For me, if I’m really focused on something and I don’t realize the time, it takes getting dizzy and my hands to start shaking before I think, “Oh, I better eat something.” Sensory Modulation and Final Thoughts Sensory Modulation “refers to the brain’s ability to regulate its own activity, essentially managing ‘how much’ of each sensory input to ‘tune into’ at any point in time.” Autistic people struggle with this due to being more sensitive to stimuli. It’s difficult to tune out details because of the way our brains are wired. While neurotypicals are capable of walking into a crowded space and tuning out the noise level, visual stimuli, and more – autistics cannot, always, do this. It’s primarily why we are so easily overwhelmed and overstimulated. We’re taking in every detail around us whether we want to or not. I walk into a crowded space and I notice the bright lights, the sheer amount of people, all the different smells, the music you can hardly hear over the chatter, and more. If you’re neurotypical and you had to take all of this sensory information in, you’d be pretty overwhelmed too. All in all, this is why many autistics seek accommodations in most public spaces such as earplugs and headphones, wearing sunglasses inside, and carrying fidget toys with us. Each sensory stimuli we actively seek helps regulate the stimuli we can’t readily control in our environment. That’s all for now, see you next time.

Advocating for autism acceptance begins with sharing knowledge and educating those who want to know more. As someone who, herself, had to start from scratch after being diagnosed I know it’s best to start with the basics: what is autism and how does it present itself. The DSM-V I'm going to start with the medical definition as it is described in the DSM-V. According to the DSM-V, Autism is categorized as: Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities. Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life). Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning. These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability or global developmental delay. Intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder frequently co-occur; to make comorbid diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, social communication should be below that expected for general developmental level. I know how technical this is and I needed real-world examples to fully understand it myself so I’ve broken down the top two statements below. A | Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts B | Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities. What does Autism “Look” Like? When you think of Autism, you typically call up an image of a young white boy obsessed with trains who flaps his hands around a lot. But Autism doesn’t have a “look.” Why? Because anyone, no matter their gender, sexuality, age, or ethnicity can be autistic. For example, I wasn’t diagnosed until I was a 22 year old biracial woman in her third year of college. What is the Autism Spectrum? Most people outside of the Autistic community think of Autism as a line from less autistic to more autistic. In reality, the spectrum looks more like the image below: a circle of traits. The Spectrum Traits These ten traits make up the Autism Spectrum. Where an individual falls within each category doesn’t determine if they are more or less autistic, only that they are autistic. It is important to note that this online test should not be used in place of an official diagnosis, it is merely a starting point and a more efficient way to explain the spectrum. The National Autistic Society The National Autistic Society also describes Autism as this: “autism is a spectrum condition and affects people in different ways. Like all people, autistic people have their own strengths and weaknesses. Below is a list of difficulties autistic people may share, including the two key difficulties required for a diagnosis.” Social communication and social interaction challenges Repetitive and restrictive behaviour Over or under sensitivity to light, sound, taste or touch Highly focused interests or hobbies Extreme anxiety Meltdowns and shutdowns As you can see there are similarities and differences in each definition and description of autism from the DSM-V to the National Autistic Society and so on. I’ve outlined each to hopefully offer a more thorough description and understanding of autism. Asperger's Syndrome What is it? Asperger’s Syndrome, up until 2013, was a separate diagnosis in the DSM from Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). It separated “high functioning” autistics from “low functioning” autistics. Medical professionals now use levels of support needs ranging from level one (low support needs) to level three (high support needs). Though some argue this is not all that different from functioning labels. The general argument is that support needs can change, even on a daily basis. Some days I can manage just fine, others I need more support from others, especially when I’m experiencing sensory overload. Why are Asperger's no longer in use? From a clinical perspective this changed because the criteria of Asperger’s favoured male patients and exacerbated stereotypes and assumptions of what the disorder “looked like,” and who could be diagnosed. From my experience, and that of most of the autistic community, Asperger’s Syndrome was developed by Hans Asperger who was a Nazi. He separated autistic children into the two categories. Those with high-functioning Autism were seen as valuable enough to remain part of society (note that only males were a part of this process). You can easily guess what happened to those deemed low functioning. Final Thoughts To wrap this up Autism is a circular spectrum of traits and experiences that range from individual to individual, but that each exist within them. Autism also falls under the umbrella of neurodiversity. Neurodiversity recognizes that some minds are simply wired differently from what is considered the “norm,” or neurotypical. As I mentioned earlier, I use the word difficulty rather than deficit. For example, social interactions are difficult for me, but not impossible because social skills are just that, skills. They can be learned and developed over time. This will likely become a series of posts where I discuss different parts of the autism experience to spread awareness, knowledge, and in turn acceptance.

I've been journaling for several years, but I've only known I'm autistic for one and half. Naturally, I went looking for any bujo spreads I could weave into my practice. I came up empty handed. So, I created some spreads and shared them in this post. However, I'm always trying improve my bujo practice and make it even better, so I figured it's time for an update. I ordered this beautiful gold Leuchtturm1917 on Amazon (despite disliking change, I do like choosing a different coloured journal when I need a new one - no, I don't know why). Anyway...here's the adjusted system I created with reasons why it'll work for our autistic brains. The Key I never understood the use of a Key, but as life gets more complicated and I have more to keep track of, I started to see it's purpose. I've kept it simple and to the point due to Ryder's advice to not go crazy with signifiers. Symbols I have a way to show when: A task is completed A task needs rescheduling A task has become irrelevant There are also symbols for notes and events (such as appointments or meetings), as well as two signifiers to mark ideas and important tasks. This helps streamline my daily journaling and makes it easier to flip back through past dates and understand what I did or maybe didn't do that day. Colour-Coding I've also added a few colour-coding items to this Key. I needed a way to visually separate personal tasks with work tasks as I didn't want to complicate things with a second journal (I've tried that, it doesn't work). Now, I use a different colour when marking work tasks versus personal ones. Since starting this new business (and slowly piecing it all together) I also wanted a way to keep track of business tasks, notes, and ideas so I dedicated a colour to it. I did the same thing for Autism related spreads and went with a bold red. The Future Log Like the Key, I saw little need for a future log. I have my phone's monthly calendar for that. However, I've come to learn I need to start thinking more long-term. A difficult thing to do when your brain's wired for details and not the big picture. Future Goals The purpose of a future log, for me, is to actually schedule long-term goals, break them down into monthly goals, and then specific tasks within that month. For example, my reading goal this year was 25 books. By the time October rolled around I realized I was a little (a lot) behind schedule. So, I did some mental math and realized I needed to read three books during November and December, as long as I finished my current read by the end of October. I actually used sticky notes to section out how many pages I needed to read in a day until the month ended. This averaged out to about 30 pages, which I can read no problem. Then, I continued this process. Thirty days in a month, three books, that's ten days to read a book. Again, I used sticky notes to separate how many pages I needed to read in a day and I stuck to it. *Side note: this is also helpful for getting past that first third of a book which is mostly exposition and setting up the story. The Monthly Log This brings us to the monthly log. By planning everything out for the month in the future log, the monthly log is just a transfer of information. Monthly Goals I also break down those long-term goals into smaller ones, as I mentioned above. I create a checklist for goals next to the monthly calendar. For example, I write down which books I plan to read that month in the goals column, and then the day I need to finish it in the Calendar column. I'll admit everything so far, does take some time to plan and set up, but it's a process I believe to be worthwhile as it has been working for me for the past couple months. Mood And Activity Tracker My mood and mental health has been all over the place recently due to the amount of change I've experienced (moving out, having my work hours drastically cut, having to find new clients, starting my business, etc.). It's been quite an ending to this already interesting year. Now, I journal every day, and I have been for a long time. But going back and reflecting on those journal entries is not something I do. I thought maybe that's what needs to change, maybe there are some patterns I can find, certain activities that drain my energy versus ones that bring me energy. As you can see in the picture above, I have a colour-coded scale to track my mood and two columns to record activities that give me energy vs. ones that do not. I also give the overall week a colour so I have a sort of median mood I can examine later on. The Daily Log As I said, I've been journaling for several years, and this is the first time I've used a daily log. I used to use a weekly one, but I wanted a way to integrate my long-form journaling with my daily schedule. Because of the future and monthly log set up, I don't need a weekly overview anymore. This allows me to take one day at a time. It also helps me: Not become overwhelmed with everything that needs to happen that week Satisfies my detail-oriented brain Slow down and not try to do everything at once Here's how I set up my daily log: To keep things simple for every day, I split a page in half. Tasks on one side, journaling on the other. If I happen to need more room for journaling I carry on to the next page. If I don't use an entire page in one day, I don't worry about wasted space and start on the next page as well. Collections I know this has been said before, but honestly collections are great for special interests. Anything that piques my interest, a new idea that pops into my head, I can just flip to the next spread and start writing. This is how I worked through Building a StoryBrand by Donald Miller, and marked important things from Unmasking Autism by Devon Pierce. The Index I saved the index for last, because I wanted to show how I catalog all of the above spreads into my index. Typically you write the page number and title on each line. I started listing multiple pages on one line next to the title. But even this wasn't working quite as well for me. So, I put a short title where the page numbers should go and listed the numbers where the title should go. As you can see the Daily logs use the most amount of pages and before I was trying to squish as many page numbers onto one small line. You can use whichever index system works best for you, but this is what works for me. Final Thoughts If any of you made it to the end of this post, I appreciate it. Truly. I know it's a long one, but I didn't want to split it into two parts. If you use any of these tips or have more of your own please leave a comment below. P.S. Journaling as been such a beneficial part of my life and I wanted to find a way to share these benefits with others. Benefits such as learning to understand my emotions, reflecting on my experiences and in turn understanding myself better, and organizing my life in a way that works for me. This manifested as my very own dotted/bullet journal collection. The latest collection is inspired by the Autistic community and utilizes a pastel-like colour palette so it's soft on the eyes and a paper-over-board cover so you write on your lap any where, any time. Explore the collection below or you can buy your journal now.

“We first have to feel safe enough to get reacquainted with who we really are.” Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, pg. 11. Overview Average Rating 4.62 stars My Rating 5 stars Genres Nonfiction, health, psychology Descriptors Informative, inspiring, reflective Pace Medium-paced CW/TW Graphic: a bleism, alcoholism, emotional abuse. Moderate: e ating disorder, child abuse, chronic illness. Minor: t ransphobia, fatphobia, bullying. See the full list here . Summary A deep dive into the spectrum of Autistic experience and the phenomenon of masked Autism, giving individuals the tools to safely uncover their true selves while broadening society’s narrow understanding of neurodiversity For every visibly Autistic person you meet, there are countless “masked” Autistic people who pass as neurotypical. Masking is a common coping mechanism in which Autistic people hide their identifiably Autistic traits in order to fit in with societal norms, adopting a superficial personality at the expense of their mental health. This can include suppressing harmless stims, papering over communication challenges by presenting as unassuming and mild-mannered, and forcing themselves into situations that cause severe anxiety, all so they aren’t seen as needy or “odd.” In Unmasking Autism , Dr. Devon Price shares his personal experience with masking and blends history, social science research, prescriptions, and personal profiles to tell a story of neurodivergence that has thus far been dominated by those on the outside looking in. For Dr. Price and many others, Autism is a deep source of uniqueness and beauty. Unfortunately, living in a neurotypical world means it can also be a source of incredible alienation and pain. Most masked Autistic individuals struggle for decades before discovering who they truly are. They are also more likely to be marginalized in terms of race, gender, sexual orientation, class, and other factors, which contributes to their suffering and invisibility. Dr. Price lays the groundwork for unmasking and offers exercises that encourage self-expression, including: • Celebrating special interests • Cultivating Autistic relationships • Reframing Autistic stereotypes • And rediscovering your values It’s time to honor the needs, diversity, and unique strengths of Autistic people so that they no longer have to mask—and it’s time for greater public acceptance and accommodation of difference. In embracing neurodiversity, we can all reap the rewards of nonconformity and learn to live authentically, Autistic and neurotypical people alike. ( Source ) My Review Everyone needs to read this book, whether they're autistic or not, I think it will help a lot of people understand autism better. It even helped me understand myself better. There were more than a few moments of, "oh, that makes sense now." Annotation Guide My annotation key is pretty simple. I tend to keep track of things that I like or relate to, things to think about or research, and then there are the "that hit me right in the feels." However, on top of this key, I also recorded anything I wanted to research in my bullet journal and then later in a google doc. This is a book I will be referring back to a lot. There are exercises throughout that I still want to work on, but there are also helpful charts on masking traits and reframing autistic traits that I would like to share with my family. Special Interest Week If I could share one thing from this whole book that I think will benefit many of us autistics, it's the Special Interest Week created by Jersey Noah. It started in October 2020 with the hashtag #autiejoy on Instagram, and Devon Price provides an adapted version of the prompts in this book. Day 1: Your Oldest Special Interest Day 2: Your Most Recent Special Interest Day 3: A Special Interest That's Changed Or Grown Over Time Day 4: A Special Interest That Is Collected/Collections Day 5: The Special Interest That Has Shaped Your Life the Most Day 6: A Special Interest You Share With Someone Day 7: A Day For Embracing and Celebrating Special Interests. What's something positive your special interests have brought to your life? What I'm saying is, feel free to info dump in my comments any time you want. I love learning new things! Final Thoughts Now I could have gone into my "autistic revelations" in this review, but I decided highlighting the positive aspects was a different, but better route. Yes, it's important to learn more about ourselves and autism so that our loved ones can better support us. But it's also important to celebrate who we are and not stop ourselves from info dumping and sharing the things we love. One last note: if you are planning on buying and reading this book, it's only available in hardcover and is $35.99 CAD, the Kindle is $16.99, but it's free with an Audible Trial. Just something to keep in mind.

"Many of the world's 'best' people understood that to change their lives, they had to change their minds." - Brianna Wiest Overview Rating 3.52 stars on The Storygraph My Rating 5 stars Genre Nonfiction, essays, philosophy, self-help Descriptors Informative, reflective Pace Slow-paced CW/TW No content warnings available on The Storygraph Summary Over the past few years, Brianna Wiest has gained renown for her deeply moving, philosophical writing. This new compilation of her published work features pieces on why you should pursue purpose over passion, embrace negative thinking, see the wisdom in daily routine, and become aware of the cognitive biases that are creating the way you see your life. Some of these pieces have never been seen; others have been read by millions of people around the world. Regardless, each will leave you thinking: this idea changed my life. ( Storygraph ) My Review I knew from the moment this book landed on my tumblr feed several years ago I would love it. Unfortunately, I couldn't find it anywhere online or in store at Indigo, and I did not want to buy it from Amazon or anything. So, I waited. I waited until #BookTok made it popular and it was in stores and on the shelves once again. "It's easier to act your way into a new way of thinking rather than think your way into a new way of acting." - Brianna Wiest It took me about 15 days to get through this book. I wanted to take my time with it and really reflect on what I was reading. I've also taken up annotating, so I had plenty of sticky notes and flags to mark down anything that caught my interest. My Annotation Guide I used pink to mark things that I loved, orange for anything that hit me hard or "hit me in the feels," yellow for anything that had me thinking deeply, green for things I didn't know, and blue for quotes. A Realization One thing I loved most about this book is that it gave me a new perspective. For the first time I could see how far I've come because some of the concepts and mindsets Wiest wrote about, I had already implemented into my life. For example, living with less. Being aware of the things you own and the feeling each one gives you. I've practiced minimalism and used the KonMari method for a few years now. Everything in your life does one of three things: shows you to yourself, heals a part of yourself, or lets you enjoy a part of yourself. - Brianna Wiest More Learning I also learned how to separate myself from others and gain perspective - especially when it comes to dealing with negative people. I've come to learn that it wasn't me, but them and I don't need toxic, negative people in my life. I don't need to get so caught up in the way I look or what other people think of me (sometimes I still do), I can just be me . One last thing I learned, or at least that I will describe in this post, is how to separate my thoughts and feelings from myself. I have learned to take a step back and examine what I'm really thinking and feeling so that they can no longer control me. Instead, I can control them. And this has made quite a difference in my life. Being autistic, I can sometimes feel things so deeply, but have no control of them, let alone any understanding. Learning that the things and I think and feel can be separate from myself was the first step towards a very impactful journey. Journal Prompts There are so many wonderful questions and ideas in this book that I just had to transfer some of them into proper journal prompts. From 101 Essays by Brianna Wiest A list of things that turned out to be right for you and what similar feeling accompanied each of them. The way you will quantify this year. How many books you want to say you've read, how many projects you've completed, how many connections with friends and family you fostered or rekindled, how you spent your days. How will you remember this time in your life 20 years from now? A list of things you've done for yourself recently. What does your life look like to other people? What would you say if you could tell every single person in the world just one thing? What and who is worth suffering for? What are the most important things you've learned about life so far and how have you come to learn them? Place yourself. Make a chart with three columns and on the left write everything you feel you've accomplished in your life and in the middle write down what your daily life entails and then on the right put what those consistent habits will lead to/what you hope to do in the future. To what in your life do you feel a subtle, unexplainable "nudge?" If I had the love I wanted, what would today look like? What does the day-to-day of your best life look like? My Journal Ideas And here are my ideas that I put together as I read through the book. Write about someone falling in love with you. When caught in deep emotions, ask yourself what is the true origin of this feeling? Who are you when you daydream? As in, who do you imagine yourself to be? We're all stars that think they're dying until we realize we're collapsing into supernovas - to become more beautiful than ever before. - C. Joybell C.